Archive for the ‘Off Topic’ Category

How the Cottage Went

September 16, 2022

Some of you may have noticed that some posts are no longer visible. In hindsight, probably not the best place to vent. So for those who missed it, here is my birthday weekend in a nutshell:

Needless to say, it sucked.

Shock

Protected: The Final Birthday Diss

September 3, 2022

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Protected: The Accumulated Issues

September 1, 2022

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Cub Camp with Fibro – First camp after COVID

June 10, 2022

This weekend is Cuboree, which is our first in person overnight camp since February 2020. This means most of our kids have never camped in-person as a Cub. Of 21 youth, we have 2 who have.

Normally each group would be running independently with their own food and kitchen and supplies and such. Fortunately the Cuboree Committee decided to offer a meal plan The Scouters who are in the participating groups have planned the menu, supplies, equipment & food. The kitchen is being organized & run by council level Scouters who have no group . From us, they only require one Scouter from our group to help with food prep. Not me! Yay!

Normally for camp we would plan the menu, organize our equipment, shop for food and supplies as well as having food preparation done with the youth. We have, fortunately, none of that this year. We’ve been flying by the seat of our pants this year’s so I just gotta say Thank God The most prevalent leaders both have Fibromyalgia & the related cognitive issues so it’s been an interesting year.

& its supposed to rain on Saturday. *Sigh*

my apologies if this doesn’t make sence cuz it’s a busy week & my brain is now fried & I still gotta run the camp!

Tired? Me Too.

April 29, 2022

Don’t you also hate it when, despite knowing how badly you struggle with fatigue, someone who doesn’t is always delighted to tell you, “Yeah, I’m tired too?”

Me too, and I’ll explain why. I fully understand that everyone is entitled to feel tired, it’s a way of life. I also understand that everyone has different levels when it comes to how much tiredness their body can take. However, if you’re a person who is tired because they went to bed two hours before their alarm, or a person who is tired because they were binge-watching “Grey’s Anatomy” for two days solid without going to bed (I salute your dedication by the way, just saying!), then your tiredness level and my tiredness level aren’t really the same now, are they? In my opinion, people who sit there claiming that their tiredness from burning the candle at both ends is the same as tiredness from illness are pretty much insulting every single chronically ill person out there. Obviously with strangers, it’s slightly different as we can’t expect them to carry their crystal balls with them everywhere they go. But, when it comes to our loved ones who know our situations and who know how fatigue affects our minds and bodies, that’s when, personally, it makes it seem that my feelings are less worthy.

So, how is chronic illness tiredness different than “regular tiredness?” Well, seeing as everyone responds differently to fatigue, I will answer that question based on my own personal experience. Tiredness due to my multiple chronic illnesses is a level of fatigue which involves me sitting on the toilet crying my eyes out because I am so tired. It’s when I have hardly been able to move around my house due to lack of energy, yet I’m still sitting on the sofa yawning my head off, and an extreme bout of nausea because I am just so tired. It’s being unable to have a conversation because exhaustion has sucked all of the energy out of my body; therefore opening my mouth would use up a lot of the limited supply of energy I currently have to work with because, you guessed it, I am just so tired.

What are we so tired?.There’s several reasons. We can’t get to sleep cuz insomnia is common. We can’t stay asleep. And because our body is constantly fight with itself trying to deal with daily varying levels of pain and other symptoms of our illnesses.

Unlike healthy people, getting an early night doesn’t fix my problem. Doing less activity doesn’t fix my problem.Getting more sleep at nighttime doesn’t fix my problem (and that’s if I can even get to sleep!).Despite being absolutely mentally and physically exhausted, I can’t sleep, even though I would love to (and nearly do) fall asleep wherever my head lands.It’s debilitating. It’s exhausting. It comes with the territory of multiple chronic illnesses (fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.)

So if someone you know with chronic pain, especially moderate to severe chronic pain, and the say that they are tired. They are likely exhausted on, or more more likely off their feet unable to do much We don’t like to complain but when we do, it’s gotta be big.. So please don’t respond with a flippant “Me too!” What you are dealing with is quite possibly very different from what someone with chronic pain is dealing with.

Ended

December 2, 2021

I apologize for missing my last post. Things were finally discussed and the solution is for me to step back.. So he & I are no longer “involved”, right now.. Apparently, I didn’t make it clear that I expected this to be a potentially temporary situation. It he & I get to a better places, then maybe the intimacy can resume.

So, right now we are back to friends. Maybe I can handle it & we just remain good friends. Maybe I can’t handle & completely move away from any relationship.. Maybe things work out & we get back together.. Maybe I find someone else and I move on..

We will see.


Please be advised, I may, or may not be posting as regular as normal over the next few weeks .

Relationships

November 18, 2021

This is a very personal topic & I know some will be ticked off to hear of my relationship status . While this post does touch on the topic of polyamory, every negative comment will me removed. Immediately. So if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all…


I am in an open relationship. I have one partner, however, he has recent started another relationship and I’ve been having alot of problems processing.. So for the last month I’ve been living with my stomach in knots

Part of the issue is super poor communication. But part of it appears to be mental health.

After I left Rob, I had alot & I mean alot of councilling.. Probably for close to a year when I started to feel comfortable in my own skin again..

It seems that there is one area that we did not touch upon and that is my self-esteem and self worth issues in regards to personal, intimate relationships.

Previous relationships since Rob have been superficial at best. I’ve seen several guys in the last few years, but one has stuck. I’ve known him since April 2018 and we’ve become super close. He and I, before he met his other partner, we just starting to get serious. Just bad timing on that I think.

Over the last month there has been very poor communication. Part of that is poor communication skills and part of it is him not understanding his feelings quite yet.. and because of that he was unable to express himself well..

We’ve had many conversations over the last month’s & every time we talk I think we’ve established where we are and then something gets said and I spiral down.. and considering how strong I feel for him I went down and down hard & few times. I’ve ended things with him 3 times this month but I guess I I’m a glutton for punishment because the same thing happened four weeks in a row.

Over the last few days we’ve been able to meet in person and finally have a truly open and honest conversation. I told him where I stand emotionally…

So as it stands he is emotionally committed to both of us and wishes to focus on his new relationship but has realized that he can’t start neglecting me or stop communicating with me or work on our relationship.

He has a relationship with her and he has a relationship with me.. Those relationships don’t have to cross or compete.. that’s part of my own issue of perception but we’ve apparently both felt this and because he wasn’t communicating the same thing to both of us.. So he is going to continue working on his relationship with her but at this time same time he is going to continue working on his relationship with me.

Rememberance Day

November 11, 2021

November 11th is the day to honour armed forces members who have died in the line of duty, and those who have come before us. It commemorates the end of First World War hostilities. Hostilities formally ended “at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month” of 1918. The signing of the Treaty of Versailles was the official end of WWII, in late June, 1919.

Penned by Canadian poet, soldier, and physician John McCrae in April 1915 at battle in Belgium’s Ypres salient

My Scouting

October 15, 2021

The Who When Where Why & How I Do Cub Scouts

At age 5 my Mom enrolled me in Brownies, then I went up to Guides. I did one year of Guides then quit cuz I didn’t like the program, wasn’t having fun & it conflicted with my dance class. 4 months later Mom puts me in another Company where I did enjoy the program.

But, during this time, my older brother went through the Boy Scout program. For meeting nights when Mom was working & I was not old enough to be left on my own, I got to be present at Cub & Scout meetings. . I remember the real wolf head that they had for the cub totem. I remember playing Barbie’s in the gym change room while Cub or Scout meetings were going on. Being a girl I wasn’t allowed to participate, but I do remember sitting &: watching different parts of the meetings. I remember tagging along to the rifle range (again not allowed to be alone at home), but I was not allowed to shoot because of my age, but probably my gender too cuz it was still “Boy Scouts”.

So I kept on in Girl Guides, earning my All-Around Cord. Up to Pathfinders I went. I was on track, or even ahead of schedule to earning my Canada Cord until my leader refused to accept the paperwork, from another Guider, confirm that I had organized & implemented by own full weekend camp. So I quit & went to the Guide shop and bought it for myself. My next year, I was a Junior Leader for the Brownie pack I grew up on.

The next year, I was hedging about what to do.. & was chatting with my friends Chris & Joann. I asked what they were up to that night. Jo said homework, but Chris said he had a Venturer meeting at Samac, shooting rifles. First words out of my mouth “Can I come?” Followed by “How much is registration?” I haven’t looked back.

I continued in Scouting as a youth to age 26. I started leadership at age 18 the took a break for post-secondary, returning back to the organization to my original group. I it was my Troop scouts who gave me the name Koolaid.. & that is a story in its own..

Over the years, I’ve worked with 2 colonies, 3 packs, 4 troops, 1 company & in a Service Scouter role.

In my younger days, I preferred, as you can tell, working at troop level.. Unfortunately, due to health I I ended up completely withdrawing from Scouting for a number of years as I worked through my health & my relationship. After 10 years, I left that relationship which helped my health. I wanted to return to scouting, but I knew I could not physically function at the level needed for Scouts. My nephew, a scout, wanted to be an SiT (Kim/Keeo) so he & I joined the colony.. 2 years later he wanted to go up to cubs, and I went with him. After 2 more years, he chose to continue his SiT at the troop level.. I stayed in Cubs for 2 reasons, he was old enough now that I didn’t need to be with him. And 2, I had found my niche

So, what do I get out of it? Besides free range time with the troop? Hehe.. Ok – Serious now. I like knowing I’m helping teach the new generation. I like working with this level – they don’t have that pre-teen attitude that fully blooms at 12-14.. I like being looked up to, knowing I mentoring some be in some small way. I like that I can walk through the mall & hear a voice say “Hey! Koolaid!” Knowing that he (or she) remembers me , shows I *am* having an impact on these kids.. I like the activities we do. Many are the same as scouts, just not as advanced. I like having something consistent in my schedule. I know I always have something scheduled on Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 6:45-8 .. I like hearing the kids laughing, getting along, learning together, competing against each other and just having fun! I like how it makes me feel as a person – this is the shallow one.

My years in Guiding topped out at 9 years, but that does not include the years I helped at guide & brownie camps for my Goddaughters. I was not officially registered for theses events.

My youth Scouting years topped out at 10 years. My leadership years are a little more clouded.. Scouts Canada’s records say I’m on year 20 & with my Rover years, that seems about right..

There are overlapping years of youth & leadership years which is why the number doesn’t seem to match up. So, all told I have 32 years (including this one) within these two organizations.. With many more to come!!


Yes, I realize I missed the how.. How can I do this stuff with Fibro.. *that* is another post.


Edit: Due lack of leadership availability, my Wednesday pack has closed and has merged in with my Tuesday pack.

Sensitivity

October 8, 2021

In doing a bit of research about chronic illness and the story “The Princess and the Pea” I found an article written by a woman talking about her sensitivities. One of them being being able to feel the pain but the other or another is being an empath and being sensitive to stuff around her.

Being an Empath: My first year in New York, I saw a therapist who worked out of her apartment. I’d visited her there many times. One day, I walked in, and the moment I crossed the threshold, I stopped dead in my tracks. Something was different. My eyes scanned the apartment looking for what had changed, and as someone who was called the princess and the pea for being persnickety and whatnot, I was very familiar with the precise placement of everything in that area of her apartment. But as I looked around, I realized that nothing had moved, yet I could feel an immense change in the space. My eyes continued to search for the cause, but they never found it. What’s wrong? my therapist asked. Something’s different. I can’t figure out what it is. She gasped a bit, and she told me: I didn’t move anything, but I decided to move, and this week I began emotionally disconnecting from the space. You must be able to feel it.I’d certainly felt something. It’d hit me like a thud. Perhaps her emotional connection had previously imbued the space with a particular energy? Who knows, but since that time four years ago, I’ve increasingly worked to harness the power of my sensitivity. The same sensitivity that drew me to choose my Grandpa’s high school yearbook from hundreds of books in a used bookstore. The sensitivity that warned me when something was wrong with one friend and told me when another friend would find a home. The sensitivity that allowed me to feel the mountains in the middle of New York City. And the sensitivity that allowed me to smell faulty wiring in the half bath of my parents’ home and sense its danger and beg my mom to call the firemen. It’s a good thing you called, they said, this would have started a fire at any moment.It’s really this sensitivity

Now given what she posted, I have to say I’ve had brushes to the other side myself… The most noticeable was the premonition I had..

My Premonition: In the Spring of 2001 I was living in Williston North Dakota, and commuting to work in Watford City.. One day on my way to work, I suddenly had a very strong and impactful image hit me while I was driving, so I had to pull over.. It was about my bff.. She and another friend were driving some place. My bff can’t drive, so she was in the passenger side. What the premonition showed me was the two of them getting into a bad accident. The other car made contact on the Driver’s side, throwing the friend clear. Their car however was propelled around a street lamp, causing my bff to die instantly. Needless to say, I stayed pulled over for about an hour, blubbering my eyes out. Intellectually, I know it wasn’t real, but it felt *so* real that I could not help having an appropriate emotional response..

What happened? In February of 2002, the unthinkable did happen. While not the exact same as my previous vision, it was still true. There was just one big change : It was not my bff & her friend, but my sister & her partner (she was a cop).. however the other facts were the same: getting hit in the driver’s side, the vehicle being spun, her partner in the driver’s seat getting thrown the vehicle wrapping around a tree instantly killing her.

While this is not the only time I’ve had this sort of thing happen, it was the biggest, the most noticeable and the most important one I’ve had.

Has anyone else had experiences like this?