Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

How the Cottage Went

September 16, 2022

Some of you may have noticed that some posts are no longer visible. In hindsight, probably not the best place to vent. So for those who missed it, here is my birthday weekend in a nutshell:

Needless to say, it sucked.

Shock

Protected: The Final Birthday Diss

September 3, 2022

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Protected: The Accumulated Issues

September 1, 2022

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Protected: BFF Birthday Issues

August 30, 2022

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Protected: Da Birthday Bomb

August 28, 2022

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Being Alone Sucks

May 20, 2022

I was in a 10 year, give or take, relationship that turned into hell. I left 6 years ago this month..

I moved back to Oshawa. I lost a bunch of weight, I’ve gotten healthier (yes, I still have 6 million medical issues), I’ve reconnected (or thought I had) with old friends, I’ve had two ‘relationships that haven’t really been much more that glorified Friends with Benefits.

So physically, I’m better off but emotionally.. I still feel like shit.

I want to have someone in my life, Someone who is mine. Someone who I can call when I’m having a crappy day & we can talk.. Someone who wants to just hang out, talk & cuddle.. Someone who, honestly, I can say ‘Wanna f**k?’ to who won’t turn me down flat cuz it’s inconvenient for him.

I want something real – not this crap I’m finding over the internet. They are compatible 100% in one aspect but a complete no go in another areas.. Or I find someone who is match in that area & falls significantly short in another area.

I want someone who wants me for me, warts & all. Who matches intellectually, emotionally, physically, sexually on a compatible maturity level.. Is that really too hard to ask for?

Ended

December 2, 2021

I apologize for missing my last post. Things were finally discussed and the solution is for me to step back.. So he & I are no longer “involved”, right now.. Apparently, I didn’t make it clear that I expected this to be a potentially temporary situation. It he & I get to a better places, then maybe the intimacy can resume.

So, right now we are back to friends. Maybe I can handle it & we just remain good friends. Maybe I can’t handle & completely move away from any relationship.. Maybe things work out & we get back together.. Maybe I find someone else and I move on..

We will see.


Please be advised, I may, or may not be posting as regular as normal over the next few weeks .

Relationships

November 18, 2021

This is a very personal topic & I know some will be ticked off to hear of my relationship status . While this post does touch on the topic of polyamory, every negative comment will me removed. Immediately. So if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all…


I am in an open relationship. I have one partner, however, he has recent started another relationship and I’ve been having alot of problems processing.. So for the last month I’ve been living with my stomach in knots

Part of the issue is super poor communication. But part of it appears to be mental health.

After I left Rob, I had alot & I mean alot of councilling.. Probably for close to a year when I started to feel comfortable in my own skin again..

It seems that there is one area that we did not touch upon and that is my self-esteem and self worth issues in regards to personal, intimate relationships.

Previous relationships since Rob have been superficial at best. I’ve seen several guys in the last few years, but one has stuck. I’ve known him since April 2018 and we’ve become super close. He and I, before he met his other partner, we just starting to get serious. Just bad timing on that I think.

Over the last month there has been very poor communication. Part of that is poor communication skills and part of it is him not understanding his feelings quite yet.. and because of that he was unable to express himself well..

We’ve had many conversations over the last month’s & every time we talk I think we’ve established where we are and then something gets said and I spiral down.. and considering how strong I feel for him I went down and down hard & few times. I’ve ended things with him 3 times this month but I guess I I’m a glutton for punishment because the same thing happened four weeks in a row.

Over the last few days we’ve been able to meet in person and finally have a truly open and honest conversation. I told him where I stand emotionally…

So as it stands he is emotionally committed to both of us and wishes to focus on his new relationship but has realized that he can’t start neglecting me or stop communicating with me or work on our relationship.

He has a relationship with her and he has a relationship with me.. Those relationships don’t have to cross or compete.. that’s part of my own issue of perception but we’ve apparently both felt this and because he wasn’t communicating the same thing to both of us.. So he is going to continue working on his relationship with her but at this time same time he is going to continue working on his relationship with me.

Fibro Friends, IRL

November 2, 2021

It’s interesting to note exactly how many friends I have, real, in-person, face-to-face local friends that I have with Fibromyalgia.

When I first started having symptoms in the mid-90s, I’d not heard of Fibromyalgia let alone know someone with this condition.

I only found out about fibromyalgia through, unfortunately, Dr Google. Few doctors had even heard of it then. Many did not believe it existed. Few had any idea how to treat it..

Jump ahead a few years..

  1. First person who was a friend of mine is Billy Jo. Her and I met in a mental health workshop in my local hospital. We met because of mental health & connected over of common physical health. We have been friend for.. 8-9 years now…
  2. My BFF was also diagnosed with fibro about 7 years ago. Due to an abusive relationship I was estranged from her while she went through her diagnosis. However, because she knew of my struggles and issues I’ve had getting diagnosed & treated, she had a good idea of what the process was & how to get it sped up.. my diagnosis took 13 years.. Hers only took 3-4 years.
  3. I had left the aforementioned relationship approximately 5¬Ĺ years ago. This was just in time for my high school reunion.. One of the people I reconnected with another girl named Jo.. While we were not friends in high school we did know each other and we have to come friends in the here and now. I think part of the reason why we connected so well was because I understood and she did not have many other friends let alone ones who got & understood the issues with Fibromyalgia.
  4. Shortly after that reunion I connected with a lady in Newcastle who is my twin. No, we look nothing alike however there are so many other similarities. We were born within two weeks of each other, we both went to the same high school, we have almost the exact same list of medical conditions including Fibro, we react well to the same medications as well as an overlap in personal interests beyond our health. So we met about 2 years ago, shortly before covid and we’ve connected over these similarities, but also over our differences.
  5. Growing up, the neighborhood kids down at the end of the street were friends.. The oldest had a big gap between herself and her younger siblings so she hung out more with my older brother, his friends and some of my friends as she was a few years older than me but many years older than her siblings. After I moved back to Oshawa we eventually started connecting again a few years back. She also has Fibromyalgia.

Its interesting how many people have fibro that you may not even know about..

Stuff That Doesn’t Mean We’re Okay

October 29, 2021

Posted on February 28, 2017 by MyFibroTeam

Life as a “normal” person is turned upside down when suffering from & living with chronic illnesses. Often these conditions are invisible. This can cause many to not understand and not believe that you’re as sick as you claim. They have to realize the despite the image we may project, we are in pain Every Single Day.

Then there’s the Catch-22.. Should I put forth an effort into my appearance when I miraculously do go out to look ‘normal’? Should I show up looking as bad as I feel? Or should I even bother going out? It’s a tricky thing — trying to live normally when your life no longer is. People tend to be surprised when we post a well-articulated paragraph on Facebook, have a good laugh, talk about things other than sickness (apparently lately ive been talking non-stop about Cub Scouts), write a highly researched, factually correct well written blog post, or bigger things like going on vacation even if it is just to go up to the cottage.

It is sad that we need to point out these things. It has hit many of us more than once that appearance, timed-just-right clarity of thought or momentary positive mood seem to adjust the perception of those around us creating more doubt in the truth that we each are really very, very sick.

So to that end, Take into account that while we may do things one day, these activities are not necessarily our norm, or it is something we have planned for well in advance. Review this non-exhaustive round up of things that do not mean we’re lying and actually okay:

1 – Articulation/Ability to Communicate Well

Admittedly this is currently one of my prominent disabilities, impaired cognitive function. However, many others can found themselves in the middle of a conversation in a rare moment of a clarity & articulation. And even myself even more rarely. These are the times where we have clarity of mind, excellent though process and the ability to communicate well. . In these moments, we are not communication like someone who is ill. It impairs the idea that Fibromyalgia and many other chronic disease do have cognative impairments.

i have actually spoken with several others with fibro who are highly cognizant in the change of their levels.. Personally I’m pretty sure my IQ has dropped at least 20 points by now, if not more.. In my mid-20s, I had an IQ of 180, thats hitting genius level. I haven’t had access to retesting, so I dont know 100% sure, but its pretty obvious to me.

2 – Laughing and Smiling

Apparently, those of us who are sick are not allowed to be happy, be joyful and positive. Yes, we are in pain & have memory/cognative issues, are drained & exhausted, have issues with sleep and deal with mental health issues, so some think it would get us down and we would not want laughter. In actuality, we need it the most because it feels good.. Smiling and laughing have little to do with someone’s health or pain levels. Those with chronic conditions have become strong from all the suffering they experience, they can still laugh and smile while in pain, which says not that the pain is low but that the need for relief is high.. Additionally laughing with others releases endorphins in the brain and it activates the release of the serotonin, both of which are homegrown feel-good chemicals which can only make us feel better.

3 – Getting Out

Being social is something we need to do. We can get both depressed and anti-social due to our chronic conditions. Some go “all out” as far as appearance: hair fixed, makeup, jewelry, and a dress. But I’ve never been one for being ‘dressy’ so when I go out I tend to be in jeans & a nice top. I’m not going out to impress, I am going out to have fun & enjoy myself.. But, I do tend to dress a little more sexy & with make-up when going to a club..

Some go out frequently. Personally, for purely social purposes, I go out once a week, maybe twice (without covid) . But, I also go out for Cub Scouts weekly which is different than social but is still getting out. I also get exercise – I walk weekly with my sister & our pups. We end up talking the whole time. I have also recently joined an exercise group that meets weekly which is also both social, but also exercise. Unfortunately, with my bff living out of town, & her also having fibro, we dont get to actually see each other that often even tho I have a key to her place.. I’d probably go out more if she was closer & she wasnt so busy with work..

So while we can & do get out, its not always a reflection on our health level. Sometimes we need to make accommodations. I’ve gone out to a bar, medicated on narcotics, to be with friends. (No, I wont drink) I’ve gone to Cub Scouts Day Camp the day after an unsuccessful ER visit, looped up on muscle relaxers & anti-inflammatories or MMJ. I had to go – I had half the equipment *&* the itinerary. Dont worry, there are other leaders because if I’m medicated, I don’t count for ratio. I’ve also usually had either a hot shower or preferably, a hot tub, when available, after almost any type of workout to minimize and even help prevent any residual issues I might have the next day or two. Unfortunately, there are still many times that I still need to cancel plans with scouting, friends, family & intimate relationships.

4 – Technological Activity

Technological socialization is all a lot of us have, especially with COVID. We tend to find typing on a keyboard or on text to be almost always easier. With the hermit life many of us live, we might also avoid telephone conversations because in & of themselves they can be stressful & exhausting. So when my whole body feels like death warmed over, but I’m usually more able to move fingers either on the laptop of cellphone. While a “activity” in no way suggests any other type of activity whatsoever, many people assume that because you are participating online that you are fully functional. Sometimes we express ourselves via social media just to stay sane.

If I post something non-health related or — shocker — something happy on social media or my blog, I wonder if others see it as me being “well,” which is never the case. Our illnesses are always, always there, even if we’re not talking about them at the moment. No matter how much we wish to ignore them, we would still prefer to make them go away.

5 – Announcements that Imply Activity

Many of us are creative people in some format even if is just colouring.. Due to COVID, many people have added extra creative outlets over the last 2 years.. But every new pursuit that is public in any form makes others wonder if, as mentioned above, people see those pursuits or accomplishments and think, “Oh see, she’s doing well.”

But you need to understand: I am on disability and I have no “real” job. My life revolves around creative outlets, medical appointments, cub scouts, health & wellness, Lilly, family, friendships and my social media & Blog. With my very messed up sleep schedule, I do dishes and laundry when I can, and attempting to keep both my pup Lilly and myself fed. Seriously. All of that is my every day. And as little as that seems to be, to my body, that is a whole freakin’ lot. And it gets overwhelming, and some days I can’t even do half of that.

But some days — or nights in my case — are better than others. And that healthy girl who lives buried in me somewhere is begging to come out and create, and sometimes I just have to listen. So when I post about the awesome stuff my Pack is doing, share images of my latest painting project, talk about my love of soccer, add to my Varage Sale store, or am chilling up at the cottage for a few days, all this is done either on a good day, or only take a portion of my day, but is the only activity.. What you see are ‘snips’, brief moments it time, a small glimpse into the parts of my life I want to share. And even then, some of those can be done while still laying in best, resting my body, but still having an active mind.

We are never fine. Whatever assumptions you make based on how we look, how we move, what we do, or even what people “think” we can do, the only thing safe to assume: we are always worse than you think we are


The original post was first published here, While I have kept some of the content, I have also made multiple changes with my own feedback, comments & experiences.

The original author Kacie Fleming has learned about health and treatment options into the nearly six years since being labeled with fibromyalgia. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and spends her time working on her handmade jewelry.