With Fibromyalgia and other chronic pain you can’t always do everything you want, and we will always be limited in what we can do, but there is always something you can do instead – always an alternative.
While you may not be able to go to the amusement park with your friends/ family because the rides will hurt too much or because you can’t be on your feet all day or maybe it’s an all day thing that you can’t do or for whatever other reason, there are other things you can you. Maybe you can go mini-golfing with friends instead. Still a social activity, still something physical, still something fun and still hanging out with your friends. If that’s still outside of your wheelhouse, try just going out for a drink even just coffee to get out and be with those you love. If you are bedridden, why not a virtual chat?
You can apply this to all other aspects of your life. Certain things you can not do and may never be able to do again, but there are always things you can do.
I have several friends who are fellow fibromites, women with fibromyalgia, each to varying degrees and varying function levels. I can speak about these issues with them, comparing yes, but also supporting each other. But I did have one in particular that would always work her pain in the conversation and make it sound worse than anyone else’s could possibly be.
This lady who I am no longer friends with works full time because “she can’t afford not to.” While when her & hubby constantly go out for dinner, go to concerts and socialize, and spend money lavishly, it’s no wonder she can’t afford it. But I’m curious as to how bad her pain really is if she works full-time and does all this other stuff. (Yes, I know that sounds a little judgey, but she makes me angry with this behaviour of hers)
She would berate me for not working, for taking disability. I am on both provincial and federal disability supports. Admittedly, I have in recent years, worked the federal, provincial and municipal elections. This is a single day, paid position. Yes, it is a long day. She thinks because I can do those one-offs, I should be able to work regularly. After those single days of work, I’m toast for up to three, four days later, even have been almost bedridden the first day after. How would I be able to work a regular job if I’m in too much pain & too exhausted after a day of work to even do the very basic daily activities of living?
Even tho we were good friends, she never saw me when I was feeling poor, and didn’t even talk much when I was, at one point, bedridden. So, while she is comparing, she’s not accurately comparing what my true issues are and even then, most of them are different from hers.
She doesn’t really understand that it is not a competition..
I mentioned previous about losing my bff. It was not a death, but an abrupt severing of the relationship.
Recently another friend of mine mentioned that she had posted on her Facebook that she’d had another stroke & that her husband had performed CPR on her while he waited for the ambulance. Dunno the extent of truth in that, cuz she’s always been a bit of a drama queen. But she was definitely in the hospital & taken by ambulance.
Apparently she was home a few days later, so I suspect not quite as life threatening as she alluded to.
Either way, I was driving by her neighbourhood on my way to & from a doctor’s appointment, so I stopped off at Dollarama to get a simple Get Well Soon card. In it I wrote:
“I know we are no longer friends, but I wish you no ill will. I hope you finally get your health issues sorted out. I also hope that you get things resolved with Brett for the long term He’s a good guy. K”
I dropped off the card on my way home. The next days I am informed she has a new post “Whoever is talking about me behind my back, you are welcome to unfriend me.” I guess she didn’t appreciate the card.
The thing she doesn’t realize, if that’s “talking about her behind her back” people have been doing that for as long as I’ve known her.
I went on a bit of a downwards slide on the weekend before Halloween. Found out my ex has a promise ring from his new girl. He proceeds to show it to me, tells me what it is, and realizing his stupidity says, “it’s not what you think it means”. Well it may not mean much to him, but I’m sure it does to her.
She also has to have ordered it while he & I were still together. Not impressed.
Spent the next week either busy af, or just feeling everything. No middle ground. Either complete distraction or completely emotional. No stability.
Slowly been trying to work through my emotions about the end of that relationship this last week.. Ups and down, but they are becoming a little less of a roller coaster. Even small improvement is improvement.
Some of you may have noticed that some posts are no longer visible. In hindsight, probably not the best place to vent. So for those who missed it, here is my birthday weekend in a nutshell:
I was in a 10 year, give or take, relationship that turned into hell. I left 6 years ago this month..
I moved back to Oshawa. I lost a bunch of weight, I’ve gotten healthier (yes, I still have 6 million medical issues), I’ve reconnected (or thought I had) with old friends, I’ve had two ‘relationships that haven’t really been much more that glorified Friends with Benefits.
So physically, I’m better off but emotionally.. I still feel like shit.
I want to have someone in my life, Someone who is mine. Someone who I can call when I’m having a crappy day & we can talk.. Someone who wants to just hang out, talk & cuddle.. Someone who, honestly, I can say ‘Wanna f**k?’ to who won’t turn me down flat cuz it’s inconvenient for him.
I want something real – not this crap I’m finding over the internet. They are compatible 100% in one aspect but a complete no go in another areas.. Or I find someone who is match in that area & falls significantly short in another area.
I want someone who wants me for me, warts & all. Who matches intellectually, emotionally, physically, sexually on a compatible maturity level.. Is that really too hard to ask for?
Fibromyalgia 
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