Hi. My Name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an Invisible Chronic Illness. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me.
I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now!
I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.
Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too.
If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me.
I’m rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try.
You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of they will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a “Normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!
In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out… the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia. ♥️
So I overdid it on the Civic holiday weekend and crashed as a result. I’ve been in a flare ever since.. This is a continuation of Crash and Burn.
As I said, Monday was about the same, pain-wise & still working on my sister’s project, but finally got a decent amount of work done on with this project. I think there was no improvement on Monday because I went to soccer.
Tuesday morning showed some more small improvement. That afternoon was my appointment with Dr Sithaparanathan at Neupath Pain Clinic (formerly CPM). Got my full shots & she gave me big trouble for over doing it. She asked my why I overdid it cuz she knows I’m pretty in tune with my body & it’s pain. I had lidocaine infusion on the Tuesday prior & the pain relief was still in effect which is why I didn’t feel any pending problems I guess the impact work off Sunday night/Monday morning while I slept.
So Tuesday afternoon was better, and was spent again at my sister’s.
I noticed significant improvement in weight bearing on Wednesday. The week prior, I was unable to pick up the sewing machine, even just to lift it from the table My brother-in-law had to come over and pick it up to take it to my sister’s. Today, however, I was running errands, one of which was to get the light bulb changed which required me to take the machine with me. I was able to carry it now. It was a bit of a struggle, but I was able to do it, take it out to the car. Yay!
As you can see, we are getting it done & here’s a view of one of her love seats in case I didn’t share before. This just shows the look we are going for with this completed loveseat.
I got some of my own stuff done that day cuz I was not at my sister’s doing stuff, tho several of my errands were related.
At this point, I was still having trouble getting moving in the mornings – usually afternoons right now. Pain levels are still higher when I wake and still having problems getting decent sleep Sunday – 6hrs, Monday – 6 hr, Tuesday after my shots was good with almost 7½, Thursday – 5¾hr, Friday – 4hrs.
While I’m *in* bed by midnight, I am not tired til at least 2am, some times up until 4am. There are also where I wake in the middle of the night wide awake. None of this helps my sleep. Thursday was bad with a combination of both. I was in bed shortly before 1am attempting to sleep. According to my Fitbit, I dozed off at 3:30am & up at almost 5, wide awake and unable to get back to sleep until 8 but even then for only 3 hours before being wide awake. And people wonder why I am completely exhausted some days.
So, overall, pain got better and better, but I was still getting exhausted each day.
i also began to have problems with my ankle &: my knee. Being on vacation, my knee has been fine.. was even good on Sunday after being off seeing since Thursday. However, being Wednesday of my week off, I’m pretty sure the peddle usage has aggravated my gout. I’m icing it & tossing it in my tensor when I’m doing any significant walking.
Let’s hope, with us not starting back up after the long weekend that it starts to heal up on its own. 🙂
Last Thursday & Friday (yes, Good Friday) I had an MRI both mornings. And it was not good.
For those who are unfamiliar with MRI’s, the machine is basically a tube, looking kinda like a doughnut. It has a bed attached to slide the patient in. How you go in & how far in you go, varies depending on what the scan is for. Mine are for my brain so I go in head first, as far in as my elbows . Alternatively, you can go in feet first and I have found out that they have a smaller sleeve kind of version for arms.
My fibro was flaring something fierce and had been since the Sunday prior. I know the MRI machine dors jostle to adjust for the scans, but I’ve never felt like this! Every time the bed was adjusted it was a fast start & a fast stop immediately after. It was very jarring on the body. The fibro pain was excruciating! Add the pain in my left arm from the scar tissue breaking up from my RMT (more coming), and I was almost out for f my mind. And I couldn’t even move my arms because that could cause the scan to blur which could lead to to inconclusive results and a repeat scan.
Add to this situation my claustrophobia, a fear of small spaces. On Thursday, the only thing that has kept me sane and kept me somewhat still, was slow deep breaths through the entire time. Even through each and every shift in the bed. I’m not sure I was able to keep myself motionless sufficently for a clear enough image. On Friday, I was smarter and remembered to take the lorazepam I had so I could quiet my mind while in the machine. That helped keep me more calm and helped relax my muscles. This made my fibro chill out and actually helped decrease the pain. I also was smart and lay my arms in a more relaxed and comfortable position before going in. The movement of the bed adjusting was still very jarring on the body, but with the breathing I was able to cope better.
When I got home, I went straight to bed to catch up on sleep and the lorazepam was really starting to knocking me out.
Yesterday was the perfect storm. Everything conspired against me.
Poor Sleep. According to my fitbit, for the last several weeks, I’ve been getting usually between 4 & 6 hours of sleep a night, average rating poor-fair. There’s the occasional longer, better sleep in there, but not often..
Forgotten Medication. When I left for the cottage early this morning, I forgot all my meds at home. Admittedly I didn’t need them all today, but there are certain ones that I do have to take at certain times for them to be effective. Unfortunately, those got left at home. I did have limited or weaker alternatives which I suppose is better than nothing.
Emotional Stress. I am currently having problems with my current relationship. I’m not sure if it’s something I can handle and accept or not, so there’s alot going on there..
Poor Diet. Due to the aforementioned stress, I haven’t been eating.. I haven’t been eating well & I haven’t been eating much. Neither is good, both is worse.
Activity. Spent the day in bed.. with my boyfriend, not sleeping. While this is usually a good thing, due to stress, I was unable to truely relax and enjoy it. So I was getting the workout without all the longer term benefits
Physical Stress. After I’d started going down hill, I had a horrible drive home. What would normally be a nice relaxing 1½ hour drive home from the cottage turned into a 3+hour nightmare. Between accidents causing an entire highway to shut down for over 14hrs, excessive detours, multiple accidents on said detours, snow.. The body begins to tense up more & more & more.. and with me being in the car I wasn’t able to like stretch or anything creating more physical stress
For the first time in over 3 years, my pain turned to a solid 8/10.
After 2+ hours, 4 Tylenol3, 4 muscle relaxers, an anti-inflammatory, my CBD oil, prescription edibles, and a backrub with A535.. the edge started to come off, but I also started feeling the effects of over medication too..
How much sleep do you really need? In general, most adults need about 7 hours of sleep per night. Children and adolescents need even more – around 9 or 10 hours per night. However, the amount of sleep people need varies widely, ranging from 5 to 10 hours per night. The important thing is to find out how much sleep you need to stay healthy and alert, and then try to get this amount of sleep each night.
People like me, with fibromyalgia have this problem. We require more sleep & rest than the average person.
At my worst I was in bed by midnight, with several extended & cognitively aware wakeup. I’d wake at noon to my alarm. I’d have a nap as well between 1 & 4 hours. I was still exhausted & non-functional.. Currently I am getting about 6ish actual hours of sleep at night as per my fitbit. I generally wake on my own, but use a alarm of I need to be somewhere at a specific time. I, generally, no longer take naps.
I am still exhausted, but because my health is better overall, I am… functional.
The right amount of sleep is the amount that lets you wake up feeling refreshed and well. You may be able to function on the amount of sleep you are getting now, but it still may not be enough for you to reach your full potential. Here’s how to tell if you’re not getting enough sleep:
You need an alarm clock to wake up.
You sleep longer and better on weekends.
You have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
You feel tired during the day.
You have bags or dark circles under your eyes.
You doze off while sitting in a public place, such as a movie theatre or meeting.
You get drowsy while driving.
You have trouble concentrating.
You have early morning headaches.
I’m sure many fibromites have several of these signs of poor sleep. I laugh at the suggestion of waking feeling refreshed and well – Doesn’t happen much for us..
These are the issues *I* experience:
I still need an alarm clock on occassion, for something important
I have trouble getting out of bed feeling sluggish & pain spikes just after I wake.
I frequently feel tired during the day.
I’ve bags and dark circles under my eyes.
I don’t usually doze off while sitting in a public place but it has happened.
I have only been excessive drowsy while driving three times.
I have trouble concentrating, but this could be fibro fog.
Like the last point, all of these signs could be caused by Fibromyalgia or it could be caused by poor sleep. It is very difficult to differentiate as signs & symptoms are very similar as are the forms of treatment are also very similar.
If you notice any of these signs, you may not be getting enough sleep. Try to gradually increase the amount of sleep you get each night until you find the right amount – you’ll know that you’ve got it when these signs start to go away. If you haven’t been getting enough sleep for a long time, it may take a while to recover. If you’ve tried everything and still have trouble getting a good night’s sleep, talk to your doctor. You may have a sleep disorder.
I agree, if this is a persistent & reoccuring problem, it might be a good idea to see your GP & get a sleep study done to see what’s up in your actual sleep.. I’ll try & post about my sleep study experiences.
I did some exercise before bed. Normally a little exercise drains me & nixes my RLS.. Normally. Not so last night. It backfired.
I couldn’t sleep for a few reasons:
My Restless Leggs Syndrome kicked in despite the exercise. I had to take 1½ Trazadone to get them to settle..
My mind could not shut off..Kept thinking about stuff, like my cub scouts and my plans for the weekend. I just kept going over stuff in my head – despite trying 3 different sleep meditations.
The exercise reacted like it used to – negatively. In the last few years, basic exercise has not been the hindrance it was for the 10+ years prior. So imagine my surprise when in snuggling into bed & my leggs (in addition to RLS) start to hurt.. it was not good. I’ve not had this reaction (other than overdoing it) is several years.
No, the want for immediate gratification and instant response was not for sleep. In this case, it was for my pain meds to work. I had to run 3 courses of meds. The first one the regular evening maintenance pain regime. The second was more Tylenol about an hour later. After still not getting additional relief from the additional meds, I bumped it up, 2 more Tylenol, 2 Robax which includes another, but different, muscle relaxant & anti-inflammatory.
On Friday last week, I posted about issues with my RLS, but that wasn’t the end of it.
As I said, on Wednesday night I was having problems getting to sleep, big problems due to restless leg syndrome in all four limbs – very rare. So I went on the treadmill for 20 minutes then snuggled nicely into bed.
Walking on a treadmill can help burn off the restless feeling when my RLS flares.
Thursday morning, I woke up & my legs had felt like I’d run before full marathon with zero prep the day before, instead of just 20 minutes.
So I started with the pain meds, the anti-inflammatories and the muscle relaxers that I do every day when I get up. The unexpected pain did eventually start to lessen more.
But Thursday nights are one of my cub nights with my third years, howlers from both packs. We’re helping them work on their Seeonee Award.
Fortunately, when this meeting was planned we weren’t aware if we were going to be in person or not so we planned a virtual meeting. The kids wanted to play Drawsaurus which is an online version of Pictionary. Lots of fun!
Drawsaurus is an online version of Pictionary! The boys love it!
So I didn’t have to do anything. I did not have to prep much, other than just set up the game which took about 30 seconds. We played 4-5 rounds I believe. We could do this because it was a smaller group, just the four of them tonight.
So as we started we are having fun and I’m relaxing. Silly me, I text my sister and ask her if she wants to go walking tonight after my meeting, which we normally do on Thursdays.. Of course she responded in the affirmative.
I was actually starting to feel better at the end of the meeting – Yay!!
I make it to my sister’s for 9:00pm and we leave shortly thereafter walking the dogs. Our pups were both very well behaved tonight, strangely enough – they usually do not start calm & maintain that for most of the walk.
So our walk was uneventful and we walked the neighborhood just south west of us. There was nothing extraordinary about our walk in the way of physical exertion.
There was a coyote but that’s a different story altogether.
One thing about that walk however was the length. It was almost 11:00pm by the time we got back to her house. In steps that is over 10,000 and about 5½ miles (no clue why my Fitbit is still in miles)
God Help Me! Five miles & 11,000 steps for one casual walk.
So take a guess how I felt afterwards. Horrible! My leggs were very painful. I’m thinking a 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale..
I had a shower and the hot water was lovely- everything seemed to relax under the hot spray. Unfortunately it would return when the heat got moved to another spot. I think I need to go snorkeling in a hot tub! LOL..
So I medicated again, including my MMJ…
Guess how I felt the next day…
I was actually expecting to be in a flare the next morning… Surprisingly, my Leggs were sore.. pain at a 3, 3½.. was expecting 7 or so.
On Wednesday night I was having problems getting to sleep, big problems. I have Restless Leg Syndrome and when it keeps me up, I take a medication which usually relaxes my body enough to sleep.
Restless Leggs keep moving and can’t stop, making you unable to sleep.
Not this night. No way. I first noticed the issue in my right arm, oddly enough… (Yes. You can get restless leg syndrome in your arms but it’s not the most common place) Then my left leg I noticed was twitching and minutes later my right leg followed suit. All of these are becoming highly hyper-stimulated so much so that normally only one limb that sensitive I know is a significant problem.. But I had three.. I finally noticed my left arm tacked on for the ride, but was fairly ‘mild’ comparatively speaking.
After waiting a half an hour for the meds to kick in, and they didn’t, I knew I’d have to take drastic steps because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to sleep with three very very restless limbs and one mildly restless arm.
What do I do? I jump on the treadmill. Yes, the RLS can be hugely painful but it wasn’t too bad, achey but mostly just constant moving.. Normally with mild RLS I only have to walk for 5 minutes but this wasn’t mild. Also, my Fitbit doesn’t record exercise until you hit 15 minutes.. lol.. So I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes.. had another quick shower and hopped into bed nice and relaxed.
Yes, I live in pain every minute of every single day. It is the Nature of the Beast..
If someone tells you they have fibromyalgia or CFS/ME & are pain free, they are wrong. Pain free days do not happen. If someone is pain free they are either lying to you, lying to themselves or they were misdiagnosed.
Like all Fibromites, I have pain every single day. Some days is really great at 1-2/10, but it has been as bad as 8/10 for my kidney stones. Lately, I’m typically at 3 or 4.
The best I’ve been is a 1.. but a zero? No I have zero pain or painfree days.
I have Fibromyalgia. I live in sin every day. Yes, Every Single Day
So, do I wake up in pain? Yes.
Do I walk my dog in pain? Yes.
Do I do groceries in pain? Yes.
Do I write my blog posts in pain? Of course.
Do I exercise while in pain? Ha – tricky one. Yes, if I can do so without triggering a flare.Do I snuggle up & watch TV or movies in pain? Yes.
Do I socialize in pain? Yup, otherwise I’d be a hermit.
Do I participate in personal adult extra curricular activities while in pain? Unfortunately, yes. There is 2 posts about this topic in the works.
Do do my Scouting in Pain? Yes, I do. Only one person in each group has any clue about how I’m doing Raksha 13 & I have become good friends through Scouting & Rainbow I’ve known grade 8 or 9, but through guiding & scouting.
Don’t I take meds to help with the pain? Yes, but he important word there is *help*.
Now think about this.
Would you be able to handle never-ending pain? Knowing that it will never, ever end? That it could flare-up & knock you out with, if you’re lucky, only a moment’s notice??
Could you handle the negative prospects, knowing that most Fibromites do deteriorate? It means you will likely get worse, not better.
How could you handle additional fibro symptoms like debilitating fatigue matched with bouts of insomnia? What about a loss of cognitive function where you can’t remember silly stuff like the phrase “tug-of-war’ during a game of Pictionary with the kids. How about feeling useless cuz you are unable to help your kid with his math homework because you don’t remember how it works – all you can say is the answer is wrong, but unable to explain why, made worse cuz you had a partial scholarship in Mathematics.
What about the other “smaller” symptoms? IBS? Thyroid issues? Sjorgens Syndrome? Sleep impairment? TMJ? Reynauds Syndrome? Muscle spasms or reoccurring ‘Charlie Horses’? Costochondritis? Muscle weakness? Myofascial Pain Syndrome? Migraines? Allodynia (touch sensitivity)? Chemical sensitivities? Light, noise or smell sensitivities? Restless Legg Syndrome? Paraesthesia?
Admittedly, you won’t have all of these all the time, but they can spontaneously come & go without warning. But is that something you can handle, with the never ending pain & fatigue?
Very few friends can identify how much I’m in pain. My bff can usually spot it a mile off. My sister & occasionally my Mom can tell by looking at me.. I have other friends & family who have learned some of the more obvious signs of higher pain levels.
So yeah, I’m in pain, even as I’m snuggled up in bed, relaxing & medicated. I am still in pain. Always.
I first started having Endometriosis symptoms in my early teens. I started having CFSME symptoms in my mid-teen. My Fibromyalgia was triggered by a bout of of mononucleosis at age 19 which got slowly got worse…
Endometriosis was diagnosed when I was 26, Fibromyalgia at age 33, and CFSME at age 37. You’d think all these large diagnoses would qualify me easily for ODSP.
Nope.
My initial submission for ODSP, Ontario provincial disability benefits included documentation for endometriosis, fibromyalgia, edible syndrome, TMJ, asthma, IBS.. All of these diagnoses…No love..
From there I hired a lawyer you turned out to be a real dick and didn’t do squat. To keep my application current, I would request reconsideration based on regular bloodwork until I was able to get the needed documents.
When I requested a change of attorney I had to go into the tribunal, on the day of a huge snowstorm, with a broken foot.. The person who denied me didn’t even bother to show so the tribunal granted me the new legal representation – Durham Legal Clinic.
By this time, I’d seen Dr Alison Bested at the Environmental Health Clinic & had just become one of her patients in her private practice. I had another diagnosis of CFSME by her staff..
The legal clinic requested additional information from Dr Bested. They sent her a very specific document. This document basically outlined what I can and what I cannot do.
It covered the four broad areas of physical limitation. Mobility issues are those such as how far I can walk, do I need assistance devices for movement, how fast I can move – slow shuffle to jogging to an (ROTFL) out & out run. Upper body tasks include how much weight I can carry, how well I can push or pull heavy objects. Stair climbing functions are how many steps I can take, how fast I can climb. Activities of daily living include my abilities to eat, bathe, dress, sleep, administer my medications, preparing food & personal hygiene. She described me on my worst day.
My worst day, my pain is high. I can not walk more than to the bathroom – sometimes not even that far. This can cause issues with elimination. I am, at that point, unable to take any stairs, or carry anything heavier than a small plastic glass of water to take medication. I can not prepare my own food, let alone eat. Showering, brushing hair, cleaning my teeth would be beyond me at my worst..
Issues with Mobility, Stair climbing, , Upper-body tests & Activities of Daily Living like eating, showering and sleeping.
If you then you add my mental health health into the mix, especially as there were suicide attempts by this time, I was finally approved.
This same documentation, several months later, was used to successfully get approved by CPP-D, the disability program for Canadians.
It took several years for this process to complete.
Fibromyalgia 
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