I went to Lakeridge Health to get help on Friday. But for the most part I’ve been screwed.
It’s Sunday & other than a 15-20 minute chat with the doc in the ER, I’ve seen no physician. The on call shrink who prescribed my meds has completely screwed me over I missed THREE doses of my antidepressant – which given that I’m here for mental health is excruciatingly bad. Finally back on as of this morning I was given a muscle relaxer & a Tylenol three on Friday in the ex for my fibro and that’s it.. nothing since.. but she did prescribed a Parkinson’s med for muscle spasms – huh? So my pain is skyrocketing… & It’s not freaking muscle spasms. & Have not been given any arthrotec (antiinflammatory) that I also take.. You should see my ankle from hurting it almost 2 weeks ago.. it’s exploded cuz I’m not treating the swelling
I have finally gotten the last nurse on the last shift to finally reach out to the doc to get something prescribed & his replacement is actually being more diligent & she has followed up twice now..
Then add to that my sleep.. while long, there was very little deep or REM sleep, so not much healing sleep here either
But God. This is the worst experience. Worse than being sent back home with my ex after a major OD (my ex was why I’d OD’d).
I dont know if I’m going to be able to get my shopping done for Christmas, let alone my baking.
This is supposed to be helping me It’s not. It’s making me worse
In November of 2011, a little puppy was born. In February of 2012, she became mine.
Prior to us getting her, I’d had alot of issues. My relationship was severely toxic & abusive. I was no longer was in contact with close friends & family. My health was rapidly deteriorating & my disability made me almost house bound. My depression started going into overdrive & I did not deal well.
As a result, I have lost track of the number of suicide attempts I had over the first 5-6 years of our relationship. It was so bad that I wrote on my meds list “In the event of a Suicide Attempt Do NOT Let me go home”. I was on 5 different antidepressants & they were not mixing well either.
But my life Changed when in February 2012 when I was given a life to take care of. Lilly.
I now had a “reason to live.”
She became my world. She was 100% mine. My partner did close to nothing with her on his own. He didn’t feed her, groomer her, take her out. He did occasionally play with her, but I don’t think he ever loved her. But I did.
So despite the increasing toxicity, I was able to survive because I had her. I had to be around to take care of her. I honestly believe, she would have suffered if I was gone & left with him.
She was my world. She was the reason I got up in the morning – literally. I had to take her out for a walk in the morning to do her business.
My relationship came to a sudden end when his son overheard his Dad threatening Lilly’s life. Now I don’t know if the boy knew his Dad was talking about Lil, or if he thought the treat was towards me. Either way he called 911. My ex was arrested and charged with Uttering Death Threats I believe the charge was.
I took Lilly & moved back home to my parents despite their misgivings. I got counselling, months and months of counselling. I was able to focus on my health. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I managed to maintain friendships from the time I was with him despite him. I am so lucky to have both of my best friend’s back as two of the closest people to me. I’ve rebuilt my relationships with family, my parents, my sister & her family, my brother & his family.
I am happy, reasonably healthy, and alive. Thanks to her.
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it , everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days. It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
Personal note: I’ve been there where it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it, even tried several times over the years… I’ve been in those shoes, so I have an idea of what’s going on in the head.. it may not seem it right now, but you are loved and if you need someone to talk to I’m here..
Paresthesia is a type of pain in the form of pricking, numbness, and/or tingling. For example, a numb spot in the middle of your foot or a burning sensation on your back. Why do we get this? It is believed that Paresthesia is due to a damaged Central Nervous System ,- which may be the root of Fibromyalgia
Medications that work for Paresthesia are Anti-depressants, specifically Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors or SSRI’s, and Seratonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors. Other treatments include Vitamin B¹² and Acupuncture
For my fibromyalgia, I currently take the following Medications/supplements
Multi-vitamin – Naturapathy Dr does not recommend Centrum or most pharmacy brand multi’s
Calcium & Magnesium with vitamin D – Calcium cuz Women with Endo are more susceptible to Osteoporosis. Mg & D to help absorb the Calcium. The Magnesium also to help with muscle spasms & charlie horses. I have found that it has helped.
Fish oils – Generic fish oils, minimum 1000mg a day .. Well, I try to. Naturapathy Dr recommended 1000mg-3000mg daily of the EPA+DHA to help with mental acuity. I’m still waiting for the fog to lift, but I’m not usually getting enough to impact because I fog up & forget.. Lovely catch 22 there.
B complex to help with stress and ensure that I get enough B’s. No, I don’t take a stress formula. Just a normal B complex.. either 50mg or 100mg
Codeine Contin for maintenance pain.
Tylenol #3 for breakthrough pain
Oxycodone for severe breakthrough pain
Flexeril (Cyclobenzaprine) as a muscle relaxer. I find it better than anything OTC..
Probiotics to help regulate my digestive track – it works, ‘cept when I have an IBS flare or food sensitivity
NSAID, but it’s for my Endometriosis, so I don’t really know if it does impact my FMS or not.
For my fibromyalgia, I currently participate in the following exercise:
Aqua-fit, really carefully – I’m just getting back into exercise, so I am trying to get to the gentle classes. My local YMCA gym has a class or arthritics and for osteoporosis. Aqua-fit is a good choice because of the buoyancy of the water, it doesn’t impact my knees, and it’s a gentle cardio
Seriously, right now that’s it. I need access to a hot tub to do further exercise to keep my body warm.
For my fibromyalgia, I intend to return to the following exercises:
Yoga with the hot tub – Yoga provides gentle stretching while working on core strength and balance. The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
Keeping up with Aqua-fit – see above 🙂
Walking the track to music with the hot tub – I got into walking when my nieces were born, walking with my sister. After I joined the Y and my nephew was born, I would take him in his stroller to walk him around the track. He’s too old now, but I have found it enjoyable with my MP3 player (or CD player back then). I sometimes dance a little bit and my pace changes with the music I’m listening to. It’s hard to overexert myself. 🙂 The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
A benefit from the exercise is that I tend to be tired out afterward and relaxed. This makes evening workouts ideal in that I go home, go straight to bed and will sleep well, with a decent amount of healing rest. This improves me, physically, emotionally and mentally for the next day.
For my fibromyalgia. my spiritual side is limited. I don’t go to church often, however I do find solace in my home church’s sanctuary. I’ve moved away from my home church and have yet to try out the sanctuary here. I also find the same ‘state of grace’ from music, especially my churchy music 🙂
For my fibromyalgia, because of my physical limitation, I am limited socially. Most of my social interaction is via the internet on Twitter, Facebook, Email, etc.. The alternative to that in real life is with my SO and his friends. Most of my friends no longer talk to me, or are too far away for more than email. The classes as the Y present a new socialization source, which I hope to be helpful. With the improvement of my health I would like to return to scouting in some sort of part-time or limited capacity.
For my fibromyalgia and my cognitive abilities, I am starting this blog. It will help keep me thinking and requires research. It also provides a creative outlet. I also enjoy doing word searches and have, on recommendation on my therapist, started to colour and have other crafts options available to me.
For my fibromyalgia and an emotional aspect, I have a councilor and have been placed on anti-depressants. While my time with her is limited I do find that I feel better after I speak with her. Additionally I have the support with my SO. While sometimes he can not understand and becomes frustrated, I know he only has best intentions where I am concerned.
How do I cope? Not well. Other than the limited exercise mentioned above, the odd screaming match and the rarer still church visit, I have no real outlets.. Which sucks. Before I got sick, my outlets for frustration and anger and stress were physical. With the fibro, I have lost that. Any suggestions are welcome 🙂
Fibromyalgia 
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