One Upmanship

I read an article recently entitled Why Is My Friend with Fibromyalgia Trying to One-Up Me? and I could totally relate.

I have several friends who are fellow fibromites, women with fibromyalgia, each to varying degrees and varying function levels. I can speak about these issues with them, comparing yes, but also supporting each other. But I did have one in particular that would always work her pain in the conversation and make it sound worse than anyone else’s could possibly be.

This lady who I am no longer friends with works full time because “she can’t afford not to.” While when her & hubby constantly go out for dinner, go to concerts and socialize, and spend money lavishly, it’s no wonder she can’t afford it. But I’m curious as to how bad her pain really is if she works full-time and does all this other stuff. (Yes, I know that sounds a little judgey, but she makes me angry with this behaviour of hers)

She would berate me for not working, for taking disability. I am on both provincial and federal disability supports. Admittedly, I have in recent years, worked the federal, provincial and municipal elections. This is a single day, paid position. Yes, it is a long day. She thinks because I can do those one-offs, I should be able to work regularly. After those single days of work, I’m toast for up to three, four days later, even have been almost bedridden the first day after. How would I be able to work a regular job if I’m in too much pain & too exhausted after a day of work to even do the very basic daily activities of living?

Even tho we were good friends, she never saw me when I was feeling poor, and didn’t even talk much when I was, at one point, bedridden. So, while she is comparing, she’s not accurately comparing what my true issues are and even then, most of them are different from hers.

She doesn’t really understand that it is not a competition..

I also addressed this topic in a previous post, My fibro is not her fibro.

My Fibro Is Not Her Fibro

I’ve written on this before, but that seems to be one of the lost articles in the gap of time. So, I’m taking another stab at it

Do not compare your health with anyone else’s. They are not really comparable beyond the basics.. Yes we may both have fibromyalgia, but my symptoms & treatments are different from everyone else’s . It not like comparing apple & oranges, but more like apples to apple.. a Delicious vs a Granny vs Macintosh. They all have the same basic characteristics, but are still significantly different.

Fibro, like apples, have different but similar forms..

For example, a friend also has Fibromyalgia. Her diagnosis happened alot quicker because she knew me & I had alot of the same symptoms.

Now, while we both have fibro, we experience it differently and treat it differently. Our symptoms overlap with the obvious: pain, fatigue, IBS, fibro fog, sleep impairments… But from there they differ. I have mental health issues, significant cognitive issues, chemical allergies, speech impairment, & TMJ .. Her issues include balance problems, vertigo, chronic migraines, difficulties maintaining body temperature .. This is by no means an exhaustive list for either of us.

She is able to take some of the pharmaceutical treatments.. They work for her. She also sees a chiropractor on a regular basis. This helps her. She is able to work full time. I’m not saying she does not have pain or fatigue or anything else. I am also not saying she has less pain or less fatigue than I do. I’m saying we experience it differently, we react to it differently, and we treat it differently.

Myself, no, I am unable to work due to my symptoms and have been for many years. I am currently on long-term disability . It has taken a long time to get my symptoms under control with a very different treatment plan than my friend. I’ve tried the pharmaceutical route & most of those medications do not work, or work well for me. In addition to regular visits to my pain doctor, I have alternating appointments (well before & after COVID19) with an Osteopath & RMT ATVs local health clinic. I also go to the gym. (Before you jump on me, read my post about my activities at the gym))

So, you can see, two very different people can have very different symptoms, very different treatments, and very different results.

We both have Fibro but we are not the same.