Posts Tagged ‘Dad.’

She Saved Me!

July 17, 2020

In November of 2011, a little puppy was born. In February of 2012, she became mine.

Prior to us getting her, I’d had alot of issues. My relationship was severely toxic & abusive. I was no longer was in contact with close friends & family. My health was rapidly deteriorating & my disability made me almost house bound. My depression started going into overdrive & I did not deal well.

As a result, I have lost track of the number of suicide attempts I had over the first 5-6 years of our relationship. It was so bad that I wrote on my meds list “In the event of a Suicide Attempt Do NOT Let me go home”. I was on 5 different antidepressants & they were not mixing well either.

But my life Changed when in February 2012 when I was given a life to take care of. Lilly.

I now had a “reason to live.”

She became my world. She was 100% mine. My partner did close to nothing with her on his own. He didn’t feed her, groomer her, take her out. He did occasionally play with her, but I don’t think he ever loved her. But I did.

So despite the increasing toxicity, I was able to survive because I had her. I had to be around to take care of her. I honestly believe, she would have suffered if I was gone & left with him.

She was my world. She was the reason I got up in the morning – literally. I had to take her out for a walk in the morning to do her business.

My relationship came to a sudden end when his son overheard his Dad threatening Lilly’s life. Now I don’t know if the boy knew his Dad was talking about Lil, or if he thought the treat was towards me. Either way he called 911. My ex was arrested and charged with Uttering Death Threats I believe the charge was.

I took Lilly & moved back home to my parents despite their misgivings. I got counselling, months and months of counselling. I was able to focus on my health. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I managed to maintain friendships from the time I was with him despite him. I am so lucky to have both of my best friend’s back as two of the closest people to me. I’ve rebuilt my relationships with family, my parents, my sister & her family, my brother & his family.

I am happy, reasonably healthy, and alive. Thanks to her.

They Can’t See It.

June 21, 2020

A few days ago my Dad asked me if I was gonna join him & Mom at the cottage this weekend. I said no. He stated they were going to my brother’s on Saturday then come home. I hedged, taking a deep breath, then my Dad stopped, looked at me and says “For Father’s Day.” Well played, Dad. Well played.

So, Satuday.. (Dad decided to just go up to my brother’s on Saturday & not the cottage.) And just getting out of bed, I can tell that this was not going to a great day.

Ok, 2 hour drive to my brother’s.. In the back seat of the van. We did have a pit stop part way up to get out & stretch. I also used my Obus Form back rest in the van. So, it could have been worse.

We got there shortly after 1.. I frgot take take my noon meds until about 2-2:30 only to realize, that while indie bring my Robes, I grabbed the wrong bottle & did not have my prescription muscle relaxer. So, I made do with the Robax instead.

We then spent the entire afternoon in lawns chairs on the grass, then the deck for dinner. As the day wore on, I became in more & more pain, even taking extra Tylenol, more than I’m supposed to.. I had no opportunity to rest, or to even lay down. The day, was not going well, health-wise.

But apparently I hid it well. Mom didn’t even know it was having significant problems. That is until we got in the van for the 2hr drive home. Then she noticed.. & asked if I was ok. Of course, I said no, but there’s not much to do about it.

Then I guess Dad figured that he should get us home faster and it was a really rough & jarring ride. That doesnt help, getting jostled around the back seat as he takes turn quickly and sharply.. But he did get us home 13 minutes faster than expected.

As you can tell by the publish time, it’s morning – a time i rarely see, but cuz of all that happened, I’m still awake and in pain cuz I overdid it.

So, I figure one of the following happened: 1. They Can’t see it. 2. They don’t see it, 3. They won’t see it . 4. I’m getting beat better at hiding it.

What do you think?

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My Acceptance

December 11, 2011

My biggest issue with my medical issues is me. I have so much trouble accepting my limitations. I am still trying to figure out how much I can and can not do. It’s more the can not that is my issue. I used to be way more than I am now. I used to be intelligent; Once upon a time I had an IQ of about 180 which is the beginning of genius. I’m not meaning to brag, just illustrate how much I’ve gone down hill.. I’m now at 130-140, which is considered average (to my knowledge).. That’s a *huge* drop, but it’s all from the fibro.

I used to be physical. I played soccer in a ladies league (the term ‘ladies’ here is used loosely) with 2-3 games a week and I played an aggressive & physical game. I was also involved in scouting, as a youth member, as a adult member, as a leader, as a group or area representative. As a result, I was very physical – hiking, camping, marksmanship, skiing, skating, all in different types of weather. & yes, I have camped outdoors in the cold weather and the snow. I can not do any of that. It’s not struggling with just those losses, but also the loss of the ability to function doing ‘normal’ day-to-day stuff like laundry, cleaning floors, vacuuming, washing walls or windows, and cleaning the bathroom.. Or even worse, I flare after being around my nieces & my nephew.. Moreso my nephew cuz he’s more physical, still into aggressive roughhousing. (Çuz he doesn’t get a lot from Dad – long story, not really Dad’s fault) I should be able to spend time with my family without getting sick. I just don’t know how to. Any suggestions on how to deal with this issue and help me accept my limitations? Feedback would be greatly appreciated. ~ Thanks.