Waiting On Councilling

So I have been waiting quite some time for counseling services in my area. Almost 2 weeks ago I called Durham Family services to inquire as to my position on the waitlist. I received a call last Monday from Jason and the intake of Durham Family Services. But apparently there was a bit of a miscommunication. He wasn’t calling to let me know where I stood on the waitlist as per my request, he called to let me know I was at the top of the wait list and to get me set up with counseling.

Yay!

Finally getting a councillor with DFS!

So he was going to set me up with a counselor and I mentioned I would appreciate seeing the counselor I saw a previously. Unfortunately she had a full case load and to add to her caseload they have to get consent specifically from her. Unfortunately she was on vacation all last week so they couldn’t reach her until early this week.

I was called on Wednesday and was advised that the counselor I wanted to see had agreed to add me to her caseload..

Yay!

So, after 13 months of waiting I now have my first appointment set up for late January – only 14 months after first requesting counseling. Oi.

Better late than never

I’m just glad I have an appointment scheduled and it’s with a counselor that I’ve already built a connection with..

Then I have to wait for Catholic Family Services and Carea.. Hopefully they are timed to fit from one to the next to the next! I’d like to get my issues completely dealt with.

Protected: The Accumulated Issues

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Things Got Better

Since my last post, the new nurse Christine was able to get my meds to where they were supposed to be for the most part. I will be eternally grateful for that.

Unfortunately, real damage was done in the way of pain.. Fortunately, I do see Dr Sith tomorrow.

But the brightest moment of this 72-hour hold was today at about 6 in the evening when I heard a voice. It was a woman’s voice. She had a Jamaican lilt to her voice. I placed her immediately as being *my* psychiatrist I walk towards her voice and she was in a room talking with a patient but she looked up at me and despite the mask and my weight loss she recognized me immediately and then saw a surprise on her face.

But she’s my doctor and I’ve been in her practice for almost 5 years. She is familiar with what’s going on with me and my history so I was super comfortable at that point. I took a deep breath and was able to relax.

A half an hour later, she and the nurse came down to my room and we discussed what caused me to come into the ER.. She wanted to know how I got to the ER.. We talked about how I was feeling and feeling out my.state of mind.. She asked me why I was so animate about leaving as soon as the hold was up.. She reacquainted herself with my home situation.. We discussed my weight loss – cuz it has been 2 years since she’s seen me & I’m definitely smaller. She asked me what I thought she could help with..

Apparently, she liked what she heard and she discharged me. WITH a meds change, which is really all I wanted.. That and to actually have an appointment set up with her which got done earlier as well. 🙂

Am I still pissed about how things went down?? Definitely. Am I happy with the final result? Absolutely!

Self-Care

I figure today is the perfect day to discuss this topic, as today July 24 is Self-Care Day,!

What is Self-Care?

Self-care, as defined by the World Health Organization, as what a person does for one’s self to establish and maintain health and to prevent and deal with illness. This includes hygiene, nutrition, lifestyle & activities, environmental factotrs, sociao-ecpnomic factors and self-medication.  This includes physical as well as mental & emotional health.

So, basically, taking care of one’s self.  & showing yourself some love.

But this is something us with chronic illnesses have a problems doing.  We tend not to prioritize ourselves in the grand scheme of things.  It is something we need to do to help ourselve help get us better. Not healed, but better.. I guess a more appropriate word would be improved (that is another blog post in & of itself)

So what to do to help ones self? There are a ton of things you could do. Here is a by no means exhaustive list of thngs to help improve your personal health, or self-care.  A search on Google will give you additional ideas as well as suggestions for 30 days of self-care, a cheat sheet or a self-care checklist. I’m sure the list below includes information from these sources.

Self-Care Ideas

• Take a walk
• Meditate
• Call a friend
• Go out for a coffee/drink with a friend
• Read
• Warm bath, or hot tub
• Yoga
• Tale a nap
• Dance or just listen to music
• Sing
• Keep hydrated
• Sexual Acrivity
• Compliment someone else (You’d be surprised at how well this can make you feel)
• Plan kindness activities
• Colour.. or Paint.. Do something creative
• Knit, sew, crochet, macrame, needlepoint. Make something
• Mani/pedi
• Get a massage
• Hug your kids, furbabies, nieces, nephews, grandkids
• Stretch
• Watch something funny – Tv show, movie, theatre
• Plan a dream vaction
• Plan what you would do if you won $25million
• Take a trip to the salon to get your hair done
• Get dressed up just to get dressed up.. If you look good, you feel good
• Journal
• Declutter a space on your home
• Say or find posotive affeirmations. My mirror says “You’re Beautiful”. Who am I to argue wiht the mirror mirror on the wall?? 😉
• Volunteer
• Try something new
• Ask for help!
• Unplug. (This one is difficult for me)
• Plan & eat a nutrional, healthy and delicious meal, bonus if its a new recipie
• Hang with a friend
• Watch funny videos.. I like Jeff Dunhan & Fliffy
• Exercise
• Eat dessert, but not every day!
• Start a new, good habit
• Create a bucket list.. A fanaticl one or a realisitic one, your choice
• Pop Bubble Wrap!
• Watch cute videos online – I love puppy videos, and the kitten ar cute too.. 🙂
• Go for a drive
• Deep slow breathing
• Play with or cuddle with your pet
• Learn a new skill
• Practice positive selft-talk
• Walk outside, feel the grass under your feet. (watch for glass if not in your backyard)
• Forgive. Not for them, for you. it help you heal
• Talk with someone, even a therapist or councillor
• Remove negative people or groups from your social media
• Family activity day
• Make a list of what you are grateful for. Start with being alive, having shelter, and a full belly.. Go from there.
• Sit in front of the campfire – Make smores, spider dogs, or mountain pies
• Learn something new
• Play a sport you enjoy, or watch it professionally

So..  Lots of choices as I said, There are alot of other options out there.  Remember this activitiy, or lack threeof, is to make you feel better.

My Go To’s:

• Meditate
• Slow, deep, easy breathing – helps me sleep
• Read
• Drive – I love to drive.
• Muisc – Listen, sing or dance to.
• Volunteer (I’ve been a Scouter with Scouts Canada in some form or another for almost 20 years. – COVID’s made it a challenge)
• Mani/Pedi – by myself or at a salon
• Hair Salon – Love the head massage when she washes my hair
• Sitting by the campfire, preferably with friends or the Cubs with approapriate libations & snacks
• Massage therapy
• Exercise, when viable.. Walks, jogs, Yoga Aqua-fit, arriba dance, etc..  dependng on pain & energy levels
• Hot Tub. I prefer bewtween 99-102.. Can’t do hotter. 😦
• Huggs 🙂 From wherever safely possible
• Sex, with or without a partner
• Go for a drive
• Compliment somone – their hair, nails, clothing, shoes, etc..
• Forgive
• Colour and/or paint
• Knots. Not a typical activity, but i like the challenge, plus im a Scouter, go figure.
• Socialization with friends & family
• Play or Cuddle with Lilly, my dog. ( See: “She Saved Me” post for more info on her.)
• Call someone or at least check in for only that purpose, to see how they are.
• Think or plan how i\I’d spend lottery winnings
• & the obvious – Journalling. My blog, my instagram & facebook pages help me express myself.

What to Avoid:

• Excessive or inaprropriate drinking or drug use
• Maintaining toxic relationships
• Argue excessively
• Ovedoing an exercise routine
• Stressful situations
• Gambling
• High-risk behaviours
• Voilence to one’s self or others
• Other self-destructive behaviours
• Self-isolation (except as needed for COVID, but even then you can zoom or call or text) aka Social suicide
• Becoming abusive
• Self-defeating Mindsets
• Narcissism
• Self-harm
• Personal neglect – Physical or mental
• Refusing help

What self-care activities do you do?

What new activity would yuo like to try?

What is setting you back?

Thinking of Suicide? Please Read!

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it , everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days. It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.

People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.

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Personal note: I’ve been there where it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it, even tried several times over the years… I’ve been in those shoes, so I have an idea of what’s going on in the head.. it may not seem it right now, but you are loved and if you need someone to talk to I’m here..