Christmas is a funny time. I am a big fan of Christmas: the decorations, the gift giving, the food, the comradery, the joy, the love, the good-will. But I’ve also experienced the inverse at Christmas: the sadness, the lack of motivation, the sence of obligation, the loneliness, the isolation, the soal crushing depression.
I can & do get depressed just as everything starts & it can take a while to get into the holiday groove. This year, as always, I start wearing Sanata hats on December to “fake it til I make it.” But, I’d started getting into the holiday mindset by the beginning of the month – I was already in the Christmas mentality by December 3rd.
Santa Hat starts December 1st, every year.
THIS YEAR IS A GOOD YEAR!!
The Tree & Decorations:
The girls came over on December 11 to decorate the big tree with me. Doing the while thing is overwhelming. Plus it’s been a reoccurring tradition for most of the last 20 years. It is a 6½ ft spruce tree that goes upstairs in Mom & Dad’s big front window so it can be seen from outside.
The nativity screen they choose was the small set my Grandmother made. Next year they want to set out their Grandma’s set, the set I grew up having While similar to my grandmother’s set, their Grandma’s, Mom’s, set is significantly extensive. It has, possibly, 3x the number of pieces I have and would take up the entire self as oppose to the 8″x12″ manager I use.
The stockings are hanging off the heavy stocking hangers near the Nativity scene, on the same shelf. There are three, for stockings for Mom, Dad & I.
MY Tree & Decorations:
Several years ago, I got a dollar store 8″ tree. I put a bit of tinsel ribbon on it & a doz small ornaments. I’ve since raised the small ornaments & will be donating that tree off. Two years ago, I bought a 18″ tinsel tree with a single strand of lights &’some small shiny ornaments. I’ve been using that in my space for the last few years.
This year, I just purchased a proper artificial 3 foot pine tree. While it was prelit, I added a second strand of coloured lights & might add another strand next year. I ransacked the 2 above trees & relocated their ornaments. I also pilfered some of the ornaments from the big tree, ones that are personal to me
I bought a topper from Dollarama, painted it & it looks not too shabby. I also started painting some of those dollars store ornaments, but I’m not doing them all cuz I don’t like them all. Gerry, my bestie, is 3D-printing some specific ornaments for me to paint. They may not be done until after Christmas. But they will be awesome for next year.
I have my small Precious Moments Nativity scene on the table under my tree. I have a single stocking holder that’s I’ve had for years with a single stocking hanging from it. There are several Christmas plushies across the apartment. And I finally plugged in my laptop’s usb decorations.
I didn’t pull out Father Christmas this year for two reasons. Firstly, I couldn’t find him for the first two weeks of December. Secondly, I realized he doesn’t match anything in my home now. The pastel coloured robs just don’t work anymore with my colours. They almost clash, so I left him there for this year tho I should make sure his head is attached.
Gifts:
I’ve gotten most of my shopping done. As per usual, I’ve overspent. But at this point, I only need to pick up Lilly’s cookies.
I still need to put the cookie factory into high gear. Got 2-3 recipes from scratch this year including some gluten free options.. Thinking of Nanaimo bars for Christmas if I can.
Kellis Cookie Factory is Open
I’ve already sent or dropped cookies out to Megan/Evan, Lindsay/Aaron, Declan, Jenn/Chris & Dale. On the 23rd we have the family dinner and thus need the cookies for all the nieces, nephews and their partners.. This means 4 lg bundles & 4 smaller bundles . One of each needs to have gluten free. Beyond that, I have 2-3 larger packs and 5-6 small packs.
I *may* need to go over to Dollarama for a pack of licorice for my mom, for her stocking cuz, well, I ate it.. lol
Food:
Besides the dozens and dozens of dozens of cookies I will bake?
Besides the NINE different type of cookies I expect to bake (or non-bake)?
Besides the Yummy Nanaimo Bars I’ve been craving for weeks that I’m hoping to make for Christmas? 2 kinds!
Family Christmas dinner:
I am responsible for the vegetables. I have bought some flash Frozen vegetables: green beans, corn, brocoli & turnip. I’m hoping I can borrow my sister’s steamer for the first three & mom can help with the later, since she’s the only one who consistently eats it.
I think, since no one has said anything for buns for Christmas, that I’ll probably have to make my cheese buns. *Eyeroll*
Christmas Morning:
I am at my sister’s for Christmas morning/brunch, while I haven’t been asked to bring anything, I grabbed 2 packs of large cinnamon rolls. My dad also picked up bacon for me.
Back Bacon, Bacon & Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls
Christmas Dinner:
I’ve been asked to bring dessert.. I grabbed 2 pieces & an apple crisp/apple crumble.. picked up icecream everyone else can eat & the ice cream I can eat .
My Friends
On top of everything else, I have social activities.. Sometimes dinner, Sometimes a quick chat or a coffee, Sometimes a hike, Sometimes hanging out at home (theirs or yours), Sometimes living it up! Hanging out with family, biological or choosen is always fun.
Fibromyalgiais a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain in your muscles, ligaments and tendons, as well as fatigue and multiple tender points – places on your body where slight pressure causes pain.
Myofascial Pain Syndromeis a chronic form of muscle pain. The pain of Myofascial Pain Syndrome centers around sensitive points in your muscles called trigger points. The trigger points in your muscles can be painful when touched. And the pain can spread throughout the affected muscle.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this, judgments are made that may not be correct. So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
I cannot show you a physically open wound to show how much pain I’m in. If I could you would take one look at that, tell me to sit right down, get me a pillow, offer me something to eat or drink and have that concerned and understanding look on your faces. However with Fibromyalgia, you will hear from many people that they would rather have a broken leg any day than suffer the kind of pain these disorders inflict. To me, a broken leg is even a poor example to compare suffering to these disorders and an insult to those of us with those disorders. You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You won’t see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand….
You must see with your ears and your heart what your eyes cannot see. You must listen carefully to what I am telling you. What I describe to you may not make much sense to you and may be difficult for you to understand. Sometimes it may seem to you to be a different universe that I discuss. Know that it probably is. You don’t have to fully understand my universe and you cannot possibly. However hear my pain, listen for red flags always of any danger signals where you may need to help with added assistance. I like to call it “sending in the troops.” Anytime I do not seem in touch with reality. Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die. You will hear many things from me that to you seem as easily resolvable. You may wonder why I make the same “wrong” decisions over and over again. Why haven’t I learned by this time? Why can’t I see the senselessness of my behaviour? I may seem to be getting my life together and them bottom out all over again. Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. I may be tired. I may be in pain. I may be sicker than ever. Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!” I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy.
What is happening here? Am I lazy, stupid, etc? Nope. My physical brain and body is very different than yours. I experience life different than the way you do. I feel different than you do. Most of my “friends” are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of “playing games” for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because of the burning and pain in my legs or arms and shoulders. The pain can be so intense that I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm. Do I experience mood swings? If I am hurting I may be angry, sad, depressed, or any of the hundred moods in the world. I’ll never know what mood I will wake up with? I may treat you cruelly and say horrible things to you; I may ignore you completely, or cry on your shoulder unstopping when I’m in Fibro Flare. You may wonder what you said or did that made me this way. Well you did nothing it’s the Fibromyalgia and all its underlining factors causing this.
While the most predominant symptoms of fibromyalgia include widespread pain and persistent fatigue, the resulting cognitive impairment of this condition may be its most maddening. Commonly referred to as fibro fog, this symptom is a conglomeration of cognitive challenges. Fibro fog is understood to be a physical symptom of fibromyalgia, not a psychological one. Just as no two individuals experience fibromyalgia in the same way, fibro fog also has a varying range of indications, including: Mental confusion, Fuzzy thinking, Short-term memory loss, Inability to concentrate or pay attention, and Language lapses.
This is why I feel like a child at times. Just the other day I put the eggs I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the keys, only to find them in the freezer. As I try to maintain my dignity the demon assaults me at every turn. I have a physical illness and it isn’t my fault and I didn’t ask for it I don’t want it and I don’t deserve it.
Occuring at the deepest level of the sleep cycle, individuals with fibromyalgia typically lack sufficient restorative sleep. We know that at the deeper levels of sleep, called delta wave sleep, a person’s mind conducts internal housekeeping. During delta wave sleep, newly acquired information is assimilated and integrated into the brain. The inability to get sufficient delta wave sleep impairs the ability to recall information and operate at a normal level of mental efficiency.
Sleep, when it happens or restless and unrestorative
Sleep, when I do get some, it is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
Just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. There are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family and friends down again; and still they don’t understand.
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humour. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I want nothing more than to be a part of your life. I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
All I ask is that you become educated about Fibromyalgia. I am someone in your life that suffers from Fibromyalgia. You may think you know everything there is to know about it, but there is more information out there than you think. It is more complicated then you think, and it is more life changing then you think.
Lend a helping hand. If you want to be helpful to someone with Fibromyalgia, just ask what you can do. Be flexible with invitations and plans that you have made. Understand that sometimes the pain of Fibromyalgia is overwhelming. Be active. Accompany them to a doctor’s appointment and take an active interest in their treatment. You can take notes at the doctor’s office and then review your notes together at home. Don’t take things personally. Some people with Fibromyalgia suffer from sudden mood changes. Try not to take these mood swings personally as they are part of the syndrome.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals and this demon. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now.
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and me. Please understand that I am just like you.
This coming weekend is the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, so I just wanted to wish my fellow Canadians & all international persons within our borders, a Happy Thanksgiving!
I wish to give thanks this year to friends, to family, to Lilly (yes, I know she’s family), to good health, to positivity, to prosperity.
To those not as fortunate, I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
I know.. it’s got nothing to do with fibro, or health, but it’s my blog so I can pick the occasional off topic.
So.. Tips for Guys in their online dating profiles… I think unless you are in a hardcore fetish site or a site exclusively for hookups only, I think these suggestions might help you get a better response from the ladies.. or laddie’s, if you swing that way…
Have a Good Profile picture:
Picture of you, your face, not your dog, your bike, your fish, your boat or your genitalia.
Smile!!! Unless you a totally serious person.. Have at least one photo of you with an honest smile on your face.
Make sure you are the focal point of the picture. The point is to see you, not the statue or whatnot you are standing beside. & Loose the mask so we can see your face & also be cognizant of the light and shadows they cast
Picture of only you, no other people. You can put picture of you with your kid(s), your family, your friends elsewhere in your profile, just not the main one
No pictures with blanked out faces. Just crop the other person out, or use a different picture
Make sure it’s in focus and check the lighting to make sure your face can be seen.
Keep the background simple, unless it is highly relevant to you. & No taking your pictures in the damn car – be original! Try to blur out any busy backgrounds if you can
Don’t add any filters to your image..Don’t need to bling it up
Keep your images current, especially if your look changes..
Do not use memes as your first few images,
Don’t use the picture from work, be it an ID badge, business card or a professional marketing materials. Most of these are too posed & too stiff to represent you well in this medium.. & for ID badges, nthose are not typically a complimentary picture
Brush your hair, put on something nice if you are going to take a selfie & taking from straight on or better slightly above, but not beliw
Dont use an Avatar for your user image, and doing be someone that’s not you, esp a celeb.. If you are not Shemar Moore’s twin, don’t use his picture.
Include multiple pictures.. The second & third & fourth can include your kids or your dog.. but skip the one where your sister is giving you a high – first question is always – Who is she? His wife?.
Do not use the same picture more than once
Only use a “dick pic” if you are on a hookup site & that’s what you are looking for.
Add actual profile content.. it does not have to be long only 3-4 sentences to start… And you can add more later.
Write *Something* Don’t just leave it blank
Describe what you a looking for be it a hookup, a fwb, a dating partner or something long-term & permanent..
Describe what you’re looking for in someone. Be upfront. If you don’t like Asian Women, say so. If you don’t like Smokers, say so. If you want someone 420 friendly then say so.
Tell us about you – character traits & descriptive words that might help: Funny, sarcastic, confident, laid-back, determined, passionate, ambitious, kind, outgoing, shy, outdoorsy, homebody, animal lover, thrifty, open-minded, politically savvy, honest, honourable, adaptable, Raptors fan, imaginative, creative, spontaneous, happy, friendly, movie liver, compassionate, loyal, humble, meticulous, picky, assertive, sports enthusiast, reliable, sociable, enthusiastic, meticulous, generous, curious, clean, tidy, healthy, charming, brilliant, courageous, artistic, dramatic, playful, creative, principled, honourable, organized, scatterbrained, disciplined, affectionate, faithful, private, extreme, unique, sincere, reserved & shy vs affable & gregarious, talkative or quiet, adventurous, hardworking, Liberal vs Conservative vs Socialist, strong-willed, respectful, blunt, democratic, self-sufficient, wise, smart, sexy, vain, modern VA old fashioned, physical, hedonistic, money-driven, delicate, opinionated, predatory, zany, sassy …That’s a good list to help you out
Answer some of the questions different sites ask.. “What can you cook? What TV shows do you watch?
Be clear & concise. Be aware of spelling, punctuation & grammar..
The more you complete of your profile, generally also means the more accurate your matches are..
Do not have multiple profiles.. I’ve come across the same guy in 3 different profiles.. I blocked all.three cuz he’s not a twin or a ltriple.
Any other suggestions? For guys, or ideas for gals aswell – I could always new tips!
This is a long read, but if you haven’t ever seen/read it, then it is most def worth the time. Because of it’s length, I’ve made it 2 posts. Fell free to use it for your own use if you so desire.
About Fibromyalgia
Being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit I probably don’t seem like much fun to be with, but I’m still me stuck inside this body. I still worry about school and work and my family and friends, and most of the time I’d still like to hear you talk about yours too. The difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or any of those things. Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!”. I am not better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome. Being able to stand up for ten minutes, doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. And, just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one it gets more confusing. Repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting”, “walking”, “thinking”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what FMS does to you. – Please understand that FMS is variable. It’s quite possible (for me, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the kitchen. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!”, if you want me to do something then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please do not take it personally. “Getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. Telling me that I need a treadmill, or that I just need to loose (or gain) weight, get this exercise machine, join this gym, try these classes… may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct… if I was capable of doing these things, don’t you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and physical therapist and am already doing the exercise and diet that I am suppose to do. Another statement that hurts is, “You just need to push yourself more, exercise harder…” Obviously FMS deals directly with muscles, and because our muscles don’t repair themselves the way your muscles do, this does far more damage than good and could result in recovery time in days or weeks or months from a single activity. Also, FMS may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed if you were hurting and exhausted for years on end!?) but it is not created by depression. If I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m out for the day (or whatever). FMS does not forgive. – If you want to suggest a cure to me, don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. It’s because I have had almost every single one of my friends suggest one at one point or another. At first I tried them all, but then I realized that I was using up so much energy trying things that I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured, or even helped, all people with FMS then we’d know about it. This is not a drug-company conspiracy, there is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with FMS, if something worked we would KNOW. If after reading that, you still want to suggest a cure, then do it, but don’t expect me to rush out and try it. I’ll take what you said and maybe discuss it with my doctor.
In many ways I depend on you – people who are not sick – I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out… Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the the doctor, or to the physical therapist. I need you on a different level too . You’re my link to the outside world… if you don’t come to visit me then I might not get to see you. … and, as much as it’s possible, I need you to understand me.
Fibromyalgia 
You must be logged in to post a comment.