Posts Tagged ‘nephew’

I Am Grateful

August 25, 2020

I know my last post was not a hugely positive one. Unfortunately I just needed to vent about what I was seeing around me. But there are many many good things that I am grateful for and they are bigger and generally more important than the issues I discussed previously. . So today I want to tell you the things I am grateful for.

Family: After several years bouncing in and out of a toxic rekationship that estranged me from everyone, I left permanently after he was finally charged. Despite great trepidation and concersn from my family, they agreed to let me stay temporarily, expecting me to go back yet again. But with their support & others listed me below, I realized that I was hurting myself & them with my behaviour. I have since rebuilt my relationship with my parents, my sister & her family. I even have some semblance of a relationship with my brother.

Geeze.. I’ve only written one & I’m already in tears as I write this!

My Best Friend: I was absolutely horrible to this woman whom I have been friends with since high school . Because of the control my ex had over me, I was a complete and total bitch to her. My ex even contributed, I found out later, to the failure of her lucrative homer business. After she had a significant health scare, I was *allowed* to visit her. We slowly started to rebuild a relationship.. I even crashed on her couch for a few month during one of the times I left him. She was, I don’t think she realizes, had a significant impact on getting my head set forward. If this has not been re-established, I may not have let the police in or let the charges be filed. She was there for me when I needed her. It took about 4 years since we reconnected for her to again call me her best friend. She never realized how important that was for me to hear her say that. I am not sure she even knows now.

Man.. another doozy.. I’m sure that there’s gonna be edits cuz I can’t see through the tears. (& more years in the edit.)

Those who know us will get it.

Durham Family Services: Because of my income level, I was eligible to access the counseling services through the region (kinda like a county in the US) The woman I met, Fran, helped me through alot that first year I was back. I worked on my self esteem, learned some new coping skills and started to love myself again.

YMCA of GTA: This is actually my gym. I am grateful for my gym because I was able to get healthier and loose weight. I also has alot of social interaction there with people & started making friends

My Lilly: Yes, I did do a blog post about how she’s helped me, but I am still forever grateful for her. Whether she knows it or not.

Friends: Old and new. I’ve reconnected with alot of people in my past like in the post about three’s, but others as well.. Add in the new friends I’ve made since I’ve been back, plus the few I managed to keep from during my estrangement. While I may or may not maintain these friendships, or I could get something new from them remains to be seen, but just having a larger social circle is helping me. Which brings me to..

Scouting: I know most people wouldn’t get this, but before my relationship, I was an active Scouter. Now I was dwindling down on what I could do, but I did enjoy it. Flash 8-10 years later.. I’m back. And my eldest nephew wants to become a Junior leader)SIT with the Beavers. We (my sister & I) thought this would be a great way for me to reconnect with people & to build something with my nephew. . So I started as a “One hour a week” Scouter. Bringing my nephew every week… Now, with an awesome team of Scouters & friend (again, both old and new) I’m a major role in the Cub section (age 8-10).. I’m able to work with the youth, yet still be able to pace myself & no over do it.. much.. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to return to troop level and do that. Fortunately, I’m actually enjoying working with this age group.

International Symbol of Scouting.

My Medical Team: To the non-judgemental support from my current medical team, I am grateful. I am now on a positive Health Care Journey. With their help, I’ve managed to improve my health . I’ve lost weight, I’ve become more fit. I’ve come off alot of medications I really did not need, and supported me through addiction, tho no one knew at the time. I know I will never be healthy enough to return to work on much more than a casual part-time basis, but I am able to live a decent life despite fibromyalgia & my 6-bilkion other health issues.

This isn’t even going through the little things I’m grateful for.. The sun on my face, The lake at the cottage. Having a car to drive.. To have a regular income. To smell the flowers.. For being able to hug people (yes, only a special few right now). For privacy. For Fun. For freedom. For Love. For painting rocks. For exercise. For healthy outdoor spaces.. & you, still reading my post!!

I’m grateful for itvall.. & to those I can thank, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I Have 7 Kids – Correction, 6.

August 3, 2020

While none of them are biologically mine, they are the closest I will ever have to children & by extension, grandchildren.

One lives with me. She is my life. If you read my post “She Saved me“, you’ll see why I love her so much. My absolute closest child is my Furbaby. She is 8½ years old.

My oldest 2 are my best friend’s children. Since I’ve known her since we were 16-17, I’ve know the girls all their lives. They are my oldest God Children & my bff put a clause in her will that I must have unfettered access to the girls should she pass away (I’ve rarely been in a financial place to support a family which is the only reason she did not give me custody). I have changed diapers, fed them, helped them learn to tie shoes, helped them ride a bike, taken them out for Halloween, celebrated birthdays, holidays & other milestones, take them out on adventures, disciplined them, played Santa – wrapping gifts & stuffing stockings (plus wrapping paper tube sword fights), celebrated milestones with them, mourned with them, did girl guides & Scouting with them, supported them, loved them.

You know when you’ve been in their life forever when one day you show up on an older sweatshirt, the child (well, she’s 27 now) looked at me & says “Didn’t you used to have another sweatshirt like that?” Of course her mom & I make eye contact & burst into laughter.. it was the same sweatshirt! Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder.

in addition, the younger of the two has a little boy, making her Mom a grandmother at 41, & me a God Grandmother? Or Grand Godmother? He just knows me as Kelli, Nana’s best friend

My first God child, before my God daughters cuz they were baptized older, is the son of friends of mine that I was close to when he was born. Was MC at their wedding. Ironically, I am now friends with him, not her since they split. Unfortunately, she turned her son from his family in Ontario so not even his Dad hears from him. While he isn’t in my life, I think of him & I know he remembers me as the Veggie Tales Lady cuz if give him Veggie Tales movie for Christmas, Easter & his birthday for several years in a row.

Edit: Apparently, he is become someone who I am not interested in associating with. He’s been living with his mother & has taken on her values, perceptions & beliefs. Unfortunately, his mother & I had a series of escalating disagreements, and she has turned into a total Snowflake. So with him becoming his mother, it looks like I only have 6.

My last three kids are my sister’s kids . Like with my bff’s children I started again with diapers, baby sitting, taxi service, arts & crafts, sporting events, music recitals, Scout meetings, more Halloween, birthdays, holidays, more adventures, support, respect & love. My sister recently asked me if her & her hubby pass that I would take custody of her son, my 4th & final GodChild. (Not the other 2 cuz they’re of age)..

As you can see I have alot of children in my life.. All of them important to me, whether they know it or not. There are other children in my life, but these 7, I’d do almost anything for, like any Mom would (well should) do.

& that is why I have 7 correction, 6 Kids.

My Acceptance

December 11, 2011

My biggest issue with my medical issues is me. I have so much trouble accepting my limitations. I am still trying to figure out how much I can and can not do. It’s more the can not that is my issue. I used to be way more than I am now. I used to be intelligent; Once upon a time I had an IQ of about 180 which is the beginning of genius. I’m not meaning to brag, just illustrate how much I’ve gone down hill.. I’m now at 130-140, which is considered average (to my knowledge).. That’s a *huge* drop, but it’s all from the fibro.

I used to be physical. I played soccer in a ladies league (the term ‘ladies’ here is used loosely) with 2-3 games a week and I played an aggressive & physical game. I was also involved in scouting, as a youth member, as a adult member, as a leader, as a group or area representative. As a result, I was very physical – hiking, camping, marksmanship, skiing, skating, all in different types of weather. & yes, I have camped outdoors in the cold weather and the snow. I can not do any of that. It’s not struggling with just those losses, but also the loss of the ability to function doing ‘normal’ day-to-day stuff like laundry, cleaning floors, vacuuming, washing walls or windows, and cleaning the bathroom.. Or even worse, I flare after being around my nieces & my nephew.. Moreso my nephew cuz he’s more physical, still into aggressive roughhousing. (Çuz he doesn’t get a lot from Dad – long story, not really Dad’s fault) I should be able to spend time with my family without getting sick. I just don’t know how to. Any suggestions on how to deal with this issue and help me accept my limitations? Feedback would be greatly appreciated. ~ Thanks.

What do I do?

May 30, 2009

For my fibromyalgia, I currently take the following Medications/supplements

  • Multi-vitamin – Naturapathy Dr does not recommend Centrum or most pharmacy brand multi’s
  • Calcium & Magnesium with vitamin D – Calcium cuz Women with Endo are more susceptible to Osteoporosis. Mg & D to help absorb the Calcium. The Magnesium also to help with muscle spasms & charlie horses. I have found that it has helped.
  • Fish oils – Generic fish oils, minimum 1000mg a day .. Well, I try to. Naturapathy Dr recommended 1000mg-3000mg daily of the EPA+DHA to help with mental acuity. I’m still waiting for the fog to lift, but I’m not usually getting enough to impact because I fog up & forget.. Lovely catch 22 there.
  • B complex to help with stress and ensure that I get enough B’s. No, I don’t take a stress formula. Just a normal B complex.. either 50mg or 100mg
  • Codeine Contin for maintenance pain.
  • Tylenol #3 for breakthrough pain
  • Oxycodone for severe breakthrough pain
  • Flexeril (Cyclobenzaprine) as a muscle relaxer. I find it better than anything OTC..
  • Probiotics to help regulate my digestive track – it works, ‘cept when I have an IBS flare or food sensitivity
  • NSAID, but it’s for my Endometriosis, so I don’t really know if it does impact my FMS or not.

For my fibromyalgia, I currently participate in the following exercise:

  • Aqua-fit, really carefully – I’m just getting back into exercise, so I am trying to get to the gentle classes. My local YMCA gym has a class or arthritics and for osteoporosis. Aqua-fit is a good choice because of the buoyancy of the water, it doesn’t impact my knees, and it’s a gentle cardio
  • Seriously, right now that’s it. I need access to a hot tub to do further exercise to keep my body warm.

For my fibromyalgia, I intend to return to the following exercises:

  • Yoga with the hot tub – Yoga provides gentle stretching while working on core strength and balance. The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
  • Keeping up with Aqua-fit – see above 🙂
  • Walking the track to music with the hot tub – I got into walking when my nieces were born, walking with my sister. After I joined the Y and my nephew was born, I would take him in his stroller to walk him around the track. He’s too old now, but I have found it enjoyable with my MP3 player (or CD player back then). I sometimes dance a little bit and my pace changes with the music I’m listening to. It’s hard to overexert myself. 🙂 The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.

A benefit from the exercise is that I tend to be tired out afterward and relaxed. This makes evening workouts ideal in that I go home, go straight to bed and will sleep well, with a decent amount of healing rest. This improves me, physically, emotionally and mentally for the next day.

For my fibromyalgia. my spiritual side is limited. I don’t go to church often, however I do find solace in my home church’s sanctuary. I’ve moved away from my home church and have yet to try out the sanctuary here. I also find the same ‘state of grace’ from music, especially my churchy music 🙂

For my fibromyalgia, because of my physical limitation, I am limited socially. Most of my social interaction is via the internet on Twitter, Facebook, Email, etc.. The alternative to that in real life is with my SO and his friends. Most of my friends no longer talk to me, or are too far away for more than email. The classes as the Y present a new socialization source, which I hope to be helpful. With the improvement of my health I would like to return to scouting in some sort of part-time or limited capacity.

For my fibromyalgia and my cognitive abilities, I am starting this blog. It will help keep me thinking and requires research. It also provides a creative outlet. I also enjoy doing word searches and have, on recommendation on my therapist, started to colour and have other crafts options available to me.

For my fibromyalgia and an emotional aspect, I have a councilor and have been placed on anti-depressants. While my time with her is limited I do find that I feel better after I speak with her. Additionally I have the support with my SO. While sometimes he can not understand and becomes frustrated, I know he only has best intentions where I am concerned.

How do I cope? Not well. Other than the limited exercise mentioned above, the odd screaming match and the rarer still church visit, I have no real outlets.. Which sucks. Before I got sick, my outlets for frustration and anger and stress were physical. With the fibro, I have lost that. Any suggestions are welcome 🙂