I Am Grateful

I know my last post was not a hugely positive one. Unfortunately I just needed to vent about what I was seeing around me. But there are many many good things that I am grateful for and they are bigger and generally more important than the issues I discussed previously. . So today I want to tell you the things I am grateful for.

Family: After several years bouncing in and out of a toxic rekationship that estranged me from everyone, I left permanently after he was finally charged. Despite great trepidation and concersn from my family, they agreed to let me stay temporarily, expecting me to go back yet again. But with their support & others listed me below, I realized that I was hurting myself & them with my behaviour. I have since rebuilt my relationship with my parents, my sister & her family. I even have some semblance of a relationship with my brother.

Geeze.. I’ve only written one & I’m already in tears as I write this!

My Best Friend: I was absolutely horrible to this woman whom I have been friends with since high school . Because of the control my ex had over me, I was a complete and total bitch to her. My ex even contributed, I found out later, to the failure of her lucrative homer business. After she had a significant health scare, I was *allowed* to visit her. We slowly started to rebuild a relationship.. I even crashed on her couch for a few month during one of the times I left him. She was, I don’t think she realizes, had a significant impact on getting my head set forward. If this has not been re-established, I may not have let the police in or let the charges be filed. She was there for me when I needed her. It took about 4 years since we reconnected for her to again call me her best friend. She never realized how important that was for me to hear her say that. I am not sure she even knows now.

Man.. another doozy.. I’m sure that there’s gonna be edits cuz I can’t see through the tears. (& more years in the edit.)

Those who know us will get it.

Durham Family Services: Because of my income level, I was eligible to access the counseling services through the region (kinda like a county in the US) The woman I met, Fran, helped me through alot that first year I was back. I worked on my self esteem, learned some new coping skills and started to love myself again.

YMCA of GTA: This is actually my gym. I am grateful for my gym because I was able to get healthier and loose weight. I also has alot of social interaction there with people & started making friends

My Lilly: Yes, I did do a blog post about how she’s helped me, but I am still forever grateful for her. Whether she knows it or not.

Friends: Old and new. I’ve reconnected with alot of people in my past like in the post about three’s, but others as well.. Add in the new friends I’ve made since I’ve been back, plus the few I managed to keep from during my estrangement. While I may or may not maintain these friendships, or I could get something new from them remains to be seen, but just having a larger social circle is helping me. Which brings me to..

Scouting: I know most people wouldn’t get this, but before my relationship, I was an active Scouter. Now I was dwindling down on what I could do, but I did enjoy it. Flash 8-10 years later.. I’m back. And my eldest nephew wants to become a Junior leader)SIT with the Beavers. We (my sister & I) thought this would be a great way for me to reconnect with people & to build something with my nephew. . So I started as a “One hour a week” Scouter. Bringing my nephew every week… Now, with an awesome team of Scouters & friend (again, both old and new) I’m a major role in the Cub section (age 8-10).. I’m able to work with the youth, yet still be able to pace myself & no over do it.. much.. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to return to troop level and do that. Fortunately, I’m actually enjoying working with this age group.

International Symbol of Scouting.

My Medical Team: To the non-judgemental support from my current medical team, I am grateful. I am now on a positive Health Care Journey. With their help, I’ve managed to improve my health . I’ve lost weight, I’ve become more fit. I’ve come off alot of medications I really did not need, and supported me through addiction, tho no one knew at the time. I know I will never be healthy enough to return to work on much more than a casual part-time basis, but I am able to live a decent life despite fibromyalgia & my 6-bilkion other health issues.

This isn’t even going through the little things I’m grateful for.. The sun on my face, The lake at the cottage. Having a car to drive.. To have a regular income. To smell the flowers.. For being able to hug people (yes, only a special few right now). For privacy. For Fun. For freedom. For Love. For painting rocks. For exercise. For healthy outdoor spaces.. & you, still reading my post!!

I’m grateful for itvall.. & to those I can thank, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

It Always Comes In Three’s

As we know, stuff always happens in Three’s. Commonly it’s nothing good like three deaths, three breakups, etc.. But they don’t always have to be bad.. So, these three are good events.. Connecting with people from my past.

The first is Billy.. Billy is a former boyfriend of mine from back in the late 90’s. He was initially from Scotland & moved to Canada with his family at age 6. After we broke up & some other events happened in his life, he decided to return to Scotland with his Mother & sister’s. Fast forward 20 years.. His Dad is very sick and he has connected with his highschool sweetheart & planned to move back. So contacted me last year letting me know he was planning on moving back.. So, we rekindled a friendship, but nothing more. He finally gets back here & doesn’t tell me he’s back in Canada, the brat, until he’d been here over a month.. and then COVID hit. Which is why I haven’t seen him at all..So, as a friend & friend only, he is now back in my life..

The second was David. I’ve know him since grade 9 and we were close friends for a long time. Then conflict arose, some my fault, some his. & We haven’t talked since. A few months back a friend of mine shared a DM/Star Wars video.. It was funny. So, I suggested to this mutual friend that he might appreciate the video. He was on my mind for a while after that & I choose to unblock him. Fast forward to the summer. I’m working with another Cub Scout group with a summer virtual program. One of the Scouters recently had emergency surgery, so I left her 2 inspiration Rocks to helpr hfeel better – one saying Be Safe & the other Be Well. She posted them on Facebook, saying she got them from Scouter Koolaid (that’s me).. He picked up on that comment & said “there’s only one person I know of with that name.” & They started talking how it was too bad that we had severed our friendship saying he was hoping to connect again with me some time. At this point he did not know I had unblocked him ,& could see his comments. I actually missed the first few comments initially, cuz I don’t check my Facebook enough for the number of notifications I get. He said to the other Cub Scouter that he wished he could extend an olive branch, which is where I finally saw the post & shocked the shit out of him by tagging him & saying “I actually unblocked you some time ago.” Shortly after he sent me s Facebook message ,& we’ve been talking. While I know our friendship will never be the same he’s come back into my life. This is a good thing.

This third on surprised me. My highschool sweetheart, Gord, had blocked me cuz his baby mama & then his wife didn’t like him connecting with other women.. We had started dating almost exactly 30 years ago (30 years & a week) for close to 2½ years but have not spoken to him in almost 20 years. So you can understand my surprise when I saw his Facebook message. There had been some animosity when we last spoke both my fault & his… I manned up & apologized for cheating on him then lying about it for years. That surprised him. As a result, we have been talking a bunch over the last a few days and we just might be able to maintain a friendship. We will see..

So, Yes things come in Three’s, but they don’t always have to be bad.