Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

My Acceptance

December 11, 2011

My biggest issue with my medical issues is me. I have so much trouble accepting my limitations. I am still trying to figure out how much I can and can not do. It’s more the can not that is my issue. I used to be way more than I am now. I used to be intelligent; Once upon a time I had an IQ of about 180 which is the beginning of genius. I’m not meaning to brag, just illustrate how much I’ve gone down hill.. I’m now at 130-140, which is considered average (to my knowledge).. That’s a *huge* drop, but it’s all from the fibro.

I used to be physical. I played soccer in a ladies league (the term ‘ladies’ here is used loosely) with 2-3 games a week and I played an aggressive & physical game. I was also involved in scouting, as a youth member, as a adult member, as a leader, as a group or area representative. As a result, I was very physical – hiking, camping, marksmanship, skiing, skating, all in different types of weather. & yes, I have camped outdoors in the cold weather and the snow. I can not do any of that. It’s not struggling with just those losses, but also the loss of the ability to function doing ‘normal’ day-to-day stuff like laundry, cleaning floors, vacuuming, washing walls or windows, and cleaning the bathroom.. Or even worse, I flare after being around my nieces & my nephew.. Moreso my nephew cuz he’s more physical, still into aggressive roughhousing. (Çuz he doesn’t get a lot from Dad – long story, not really Dad’s fault) I should be able to spend time with my family without getting sick. I just don’t know how to. Any suggestions on how to deal with this issue and help me accept my limitations? Feedback would be greatly appreciated. ~ Thanks.

Pain

August 14, 2011

I hate being it pain! I can’t stand that I feel ‘fine’ when I wake in the early morning to take my meds, then later I am in more pains. It’s scary that when I lay here and I can feel the pain creeping down my body until every muscle hurts, even if it’s not horrible bad. It’s just as bad, if not worse than a localized flare with a higher pain level. When it’s localized, at least there are some movements that don’t yell at me. But when it feels like every muscle from top to bottom is hurting, nothing can be done without some sort of retaliation from my body. And when the pain meds don’t help, what can I do? Today I’ve already maxed out (& then some) on my narcotics, as well as my muscle relaxer.. Why does God have to play such a cruel game? To quote Depeche Mode, “I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that God’s got a sick sense of humour.”

 

Now, consider how this also impacts my SO, when the relationship isn’t as strong as it should be. It frustrates, him, me, and all those around us.

Pray for me?