Posts Tagged ‘Significant Other’

He doesn’t get it

August 23, 2012
Today, or rather the wee hours of the morning of today, he Didn’t get it.

So, we get in from a walk with my puppy, & I do our bedtime routine.. I crawl into bed, and at about 1:30am- 2am … my leggs seize! From hip to the very last muscle at the very bottom on my feet.. Not a charlie horse where it cramps but everything, both leggs, seized up.. Normally it’s just one legg & it’s not hugely nasty like this.. But it was hugely nasty in both limbs.. They’re like charlie horses in that I have to gain control over the muscles however a charlie horse requires a short, but hugely nasty controlled clenching almost like creating a controlled, but more intense spasm then its over. But not with this. It doesn’t need as much force, but it does require a nice chunk of time in the clenched state, significantly more time. Unfortunately that means a longer duration of pain.. But I can handle that.

All I could think was ‘Thank God I am in bed’..

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A little later at about 3am, the dog goes nuts cuz she’s gotta go bathroom.. One of us needs to take her out or she goes in the apartment. But he’s too tired, has “no energy”. Even after I explain what happened, he still expects me to go.. So almost 15 minutes to dress into jammie pants & a tee beside me that I have for when I need to take puppy out at night. And another 45 min to walk from the back-side to the front door. An hour to do a 5 minute potty break.

You’d think knowing how much knowing my pain can impact me.. and the intense fatigue to goes along with it that he’d be more understanding.. So, today I you’d think he’d have more understanding & empathy.. Nope, this time he Don’t get it. *sigh*

When It Rains, It Pours

January 7, 2012
Why is it that when one person has a health issue, it seems like a dozen other people is your circle also have health issues? We’re been up to our necks in it lately..

It started with me on Christmas morning and my fibromyalgia pain getting the best of me (see here: http://bit.ly/AsUG8Q)..

Then 2-3 days later SO’s Best Friend’s SiL, who he is friends with, doesn’t wake up.. She had a brain aneurysm, went to a Thunder Bay hospital and was air lifted to Hamilton & a neurologist was brought in from Toronto to do the appropriate brain surgery.. Fortunately, surgery went well & she is doing well, all things considered. She still has a lot of recovery time ahead, but she is improving daily..
Then Thursday morning, my Granma (my Dad’s mum) is taken to Emerg in Toronto with GI & internal bleeding issues and was finally admitted to a room late Thursday.. They are still running tests, trying to figure out what’s wrong, what’s helping, what’s not.. She’s stable now and I think they are getting a handle on it..

Now, this afternoon, my sister calls.. My parents are still in St Martin in the Dominican Republic.. Apparently Mom blacked out after dinner last night, and fell face first onto the cement sidewalk.. So, she’s got one nasty looking face & her nose has been slightly mangled which they won’t treat down there .. I’m more concerned about why she blacked out, than the result of the fall.. Lucky her has been having her own GI issues this week & she’s got blood pressure issues… She has not been cleared medically to fly, but we don’t know why.. Unfortunately info on her condition is filtered from my parents to my brother who is also down there to my sister here in Ontario before it comes to me, so what info I get is watered down..

So, needless to say there’s been a lot going on.. If the rule of 3’s applies, we got two more issues coming, cuz we’ve got four now! All I can really do is pray & hope of the best.. I’d very much appreciate if you could include me, Catherine, Audrey & Judy in your prayers as well..

Pain

August 14, 2011

I hate being it pain! I can’t stand that I feel ‘fine’ when I wake in the early morning to take my meds, then later I am in more pains. It’s scary that when I lay here and I can feel the pain creeping down my body until every muscle hurts, even if it’s not horrible bad. It’s just as bad, if not worse than a localized flare with a higher pain level. When it’s localized, at least there are some movements that don’t yell at me. But when it feels like every muscle from top to bottom is hurting, nothing can be done without some sort of retaliation from my body. And when the pain meds don’t help, what can I do? Today I’ve already maxed out (& then some) on my narcotics, as well as my muscle relaxer.. Why does God have to play such a cruel game? To quote Depeche Mode, “I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that God’s got a sick sense of humour.”

 

Now, consider how this also impacts my SO, when the relationship isn’t as strong as it should be. It frustrates, him, me, and all those around us.

Pray for me?

It’s not real.. Not for me apparently. :(

June 19, 2009

What would you do? How would you react? If you got told by the person that has been your primary support person for the last 3 + years.. That he/she doesn’t believe you’re sick? Doesn’t believe you’re really *that* tired? Doesn’t believe you’re in *that* much pain? And thinks it’s all in your head.

I was told the other day by the person who I look to most for help & support with my fms & everything else, exactly that. He doesn’t believe me. He thinks I’m either making it up & have fooled all the doctors and specialists, Or it’s all in my head. He said he’s never really believed me since he met me.. He thinks I’ve been lying to the world this whole time, that I have been putting myself through test after test after test, several invasive just to play sick? He thinks I’m a leach on the government rolls because I get disability (and we all know how easy that is to get). That it’s my self esteem that’s screwing me up. He’s thinks that I’ve got nothing of value.. Nothing to offer.. I’m nothing of value.. *sigh*

How much more of a stab in the heart is that?? How much more hurtful can one person be??

I’ve considered the option of leaving before, but not all that serious.. But now,. yes I am giving it serious thought. How can I stay here with this person who I should be looking to for help, but who does not really believe what I am going through is real. I have thought on & off that sometimes he doesn’t get it – but that makes me wonder if he even understand, let alone cares about me at all. It’s heart wrenching.

What do I do?

May 30, 2009

For my fibromyalgia, I currently take the following Medications/supplements

  • Multi-vitamin – Naturapathy Dr does not recommend Centrum or most pharmacy brand multi’s
  • Calcium & Magnesium with vitamin D – Calcium cuz Women with Endo are more susceptible to Osteoporosis. Mg & D to help absorb the Calcium. The Magnesium also to help with muscle spasms & charlie horses. I have found that it has helped.
  • Fish oils – Generic fish oils, minimum 1000mg a day .. Well, I try to. Naturapathy Dr recommended 1000mg-3000mg daily of the EPA+DHA to help with mental acuity. I’m still waiting for the fog to lift, but I’m not usually getting enough to impact because I fog up & forget.. Lovely catch 22 there.
  • B complex to help with stress and ensure that I get enough B’s. No, I don’t take a stress formula. Just a normal B complex.. either 50mg or 100mg
  • Codeine Contin for maintenance pain.
  • Tylenol #3 for breakthrough pain
  • Oxycodone for severe breakthrough pain
  • Flexeril (Cyclobenzaprine) as a muscle relaxer. I find it better than anything OTC..
  • Probiotics to help regulate my digestive track – it works, ‘cept when I have an IBS flare or food sensitivity
  • NSAID, but it’s for my Endometriosis, so I don’t really know if it does impact my FMS or not.

For my fibromyalgia, I currently participate in the following exercise:

  • Aqua-fit, really carefully – I’m just getting back into exercise, so I am trying to get to the gentle classes. My local YMCA gym has a class or arthritics and for osteoporosis. Aqua-fit is a good choice because of the buoyancy of the water, it doesn’t impact my knees, and it’s a gentle cardio
  • Seriously, right now that’s it. I need access to a hot tub to do further exercise to keep my body warm.

For my fibromyalgia, I intend to return to the following exercises:

  • Yoga with the hot tub – Yoga provides gentle stretching while working on core strength and balance. The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
  • Keeping up with Aqua-fit – see above 🙂
  • Walking the track to music with the hot tub – I got into walking when my nieces were born, walking with my sister. After I joined the Y and my nephew was born, I would take him in his stroller to walk him around the track. He’s too old now, but I have found it enjoyable with my MP3 player (or CD player back then). I sometimes dance a little bit and my pace changes with the music I’m listening to. It’s hard to overexert myself. 🙂 The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.

A benefit from the exercise is that I tend to be tired out afterward and relaxed. This makes evening workouts ideal in that I go home, go straight to bed and will sleep well, with a decent amount of healing rest. This improves me, physically, emotionally and mentally for the next day.

For my fibromyalgia. my spiritual side is limited. I don’t go to church often, however I do find solace in my home church’s sanctuary. I’ve moved away from my home church and have yet to try out the sanctuary here. I also find the same ‘state of grace’ from music, especially my churchy music 🙂

For my fibromyalgia, because of my physical limitation, I am limited socially. Most of my social interaction is via the internet on Twitter, Facebook, Email, etc.. The alternative to that in real life is with my SO and his friends. Most of my friends no longer talk to me, or are too far away for more than email. The classes as the Y present a new socialization source, which I hope to be helpful. With the improvement of my health I would like to return to scouting in some sort of part-time or limited capacity.

For my fibromyalgia and my cognitive abilities, I am starting this blog. It will help keep me thinking and requires research. It also provides a creative outlet. I also enjoy doing word searches and have, on recommendation on my therapist, started to colour and have other crafts options available to me.

For my fibromyalgia and an emotional aspect, I have a councilor and have been placed on anti-depressants. While my time with her is limited I do find that I feel better after I speak with her. Additionally I have the support with my SO. While sometimes he can not understand and becomes frustrated, I know he only has best intentions where I am concerned.

How do I cope? Not well. Other than the limited exercise mentioned above, the odd screaming match and the rarer still church visit, I have no real outlets.. Which sucks. Before I got sick, my outlets for frustration and anger and stress were physical. With the fibro, I have lost that. Any suggestions are welcome 🙂