This Christmas started with one kufuffle after another.
Family Christmas Dinner – huge snow storm buries my brother so he & his family can’t some down on Christmas Eve Eve for our family dinner. Only time of the year we get all 13+ of us together because of distance
Brunch – That didn’t happen. I had suggested to my parents & Mom agreed that we were going to have brunch when I got up in the late morning. I get up, go up with my cinnamon buns in hand.. I find dirty breakfast dishes. They are without me, but the atebmy cinnamon buns.. while I had to make myself something besides just cinnamon buns.
Pictures – We did family pj pictures This is something my Sister’s and brother’s families each do. Mom insisted we do it too. (My sister nor my bother did it). She complained when I only took two pictures, but the first one was a keeper.
Turnip – When I’m doing something new I need completely clear step by step instructions. Which is why I’m great with recipes. I’ve never made turnip for Christmas dinner. I got told throw turnip into a pot & put it on the stove. After softens add butter brown sugar. That was the totally of instruction I was given. Take 1. I toss the turnip & only turnip in the pot I figure I was guessing the turnip softened on its own. Well, not really. Take 2. I put the damn stuff in a pot with water this time, to boil – finally clued into that. But they burned in only a few short minutes. Take 3. Third time’s the charm right? Well, this time with strict adult supervision & instruction I was finally successful under the watchful eye of my BiL & niece..
Dessert – I literally forgot to bake it.. Both the apple crisp & pie. Luckily the pumpkin pie was pre baked
BUT This Christmas was on blessing after another.
Family – Everyone is safe, health & whole. Except for Uncle Barry who passed just before the holiday.
Food – We were blessed to have not one, but two Christmas dinners (& I got ac YE one too)… With 2 kinds of meat, multiple vegetables, potatoes, buns, dessert and a ton of leftovers
Memories – Good memories are made over the holidays. My nephew who lost it trying to play Cards Against Humanity. My VR skills where I used the light sabers on my sister’s tv tables. The first bottle of alcohol for Christmas from anyone & it’s the 21yo niece..
Learning – Learning new skills, specifically how to make, and not make turnip for Christmas dinner.
Family Time – The opportunity to spend time with the family you can see. Even tho he & his family were unable to make it, they were missed & they still will get their Christmas cookies!
Christmas Gifts – I’m one of these people whole, while like to receive gifts, it’s the giving of them that unlike most. Now I did very much appreciate when I did get – weighted blanket, electrical blanket, ton of clothes, alcohol, home made scarf & hat with matching scarf for Lilly (so cute), & a favourite Aunt mug. I asked my nephew if he really thought that & he said yes, but yer my only aunt. So my sister & I start rhyming off the names of the rest of his aunts. He clarifies, only biologically related aunt, which is technically true.
As always, everyone loved what it got them. Two were too big (one fit me so that was a bonus for me), and resulted in quality shopping time with my sister getting her clothes worth 1½ times, almost, for the budget. & Then the cookies. Esp when my one neice realized that her cookies were gluten-free & still baked by me.
So while there were stupid things, annoying things & uncontrollable weather, we are still blessed.
In doing a bit of research about chronic illness and the story “The Princess and the Pea” I found an article written by a woman talking about her sensitivities. One of them being being able to feel the pain but the other or another is being an empath and being sensitive to stuff around her.
Being an Empath: My first year in New York, I saw a therapist who worked out of her apartment. I’d visited her there many times. One day, I walked in, and the moment I crossed the threshold, I stopped dead in my tracks. Something was different. My eyes scanned the apartment looking for what had changed, and as someone who was called the princess and the pea for being persnickety and whatnot, I was very familiar with the precise placement of everything in that area of her apartment. But as I looked around, I realized that nothing had moved, yet I could feel an immense change in the space. My eyes continued to search for the cause, but they never found it. What’s wrong? my therapist asked. Something’s different. I can’t figure out what it is. She gasped a bit, and she told me: I didn’t move anything, but I decided to move, and this week I began emotionally disconnecting from the space. You must be able to feel it.I’d certainly felt something. It’d hit me like a thud. Perhaps her emotional connection had previously imbued the space with a particular energy? Who knows, but since that time four years ago, I’ve increasingly worked to harness the power of my sensitivity. The same sensitivity that drew me to choose my Grandpa’s high school yearbook from hundreds of books in a used bookstore. The sensitivity that warned me when something was wrong with one friend and told me when another friend would find a home. The sensitivity that allowed me to feel the mountains in the middle of New York City. And the sensitivity that allowed me to smell faulty wiring in the half bath of my parents’ home and sense its danger and beg my mom to call the firemen. It’s a good thing you called, they said, this would have started a fire at any moment.It’s really this sensitivity
Now given what she posted, I have to say I’ve had brushes to the other side myself… The most noticeable was the premonition I had..
My Premonition: In the Spring of 2001 I was living in Williston North Dakota, and commuting to work in Watford City.. One day on my way to work, I suddenly had a very strong and impactful image hit me while I was driving, so I had to pull over.. It was about my bff.. She and another friend were driving some place. My bff can’t drive, so she was in the passenger side. What the premonition showed me was the two of them getting into a bad accident. The other car made contact on the Driver’s side, throwing the friend clear. Their car however was propelled around a street lamp, causing my bff to die instantly. Needless to say, I stayed pulled over for about an hour, blubbering my eyes out. Intellectually, I know it wasn’t real, but it felt *so* real that I could not help having an appropriate emotional response..
What happened? In February of 2002, the unthinkable did happen. While not the exact same as my previous vision, it was still true. There was just one big change : It was not my bff & her friend, but my sister & her partner (she was a cop).. however the other facts were the same: getting hit in the driver’s side, the vehicle being spun, her partner in the driver’s seat getting thrown the vehicle wrapping around a tree instantly killing her.
While this is not the only time I’ve had this sort of thing happen, it was the biggest, the most noticeable and the most important one I’ve had.
On Friday last week, I posted about issues with my RLS, but that wasn’t the end of it.
As I said, on Wednesday night I was having problems getting to sleep, big problems due to restless leg syndrome in all four limbs – very rare. So I went on the treadmill for 20 minutes then snuggled nicely into bed.
Walking on a treadmill can help burn off the restless feeling when my RLS flares.
Thursday morning, I woke up & my legs had felt like I’d run before full marathon with zero prep the day before, instead of just 20 minutes.
So I started with the pain meds, the anti-inflammatories and the muscle relaxers that I do every day when I get up. The unexpected pain did eventually start to lessen more.
But Thursday nights are one of my cub nights with my third years, howlers from both packs. We’re helping them work on their Seeonee Award.
Fortunately, when this meeting was planned we weren’t aware if we were going to be in person or not so we planned a virtual meeting. The kids wanted to play Drawsaurus which is an online version of Pictionary. Lots of fun!
Drawsaurus is an online version of Pictionary! The boys love it!
So I didn’t have to do anything. I did not have to prep much, other than just set up the game which took about 30 seconds. We played 4-5 rounds I believe. We could do this because it was a smaller group, just the four of them tonight.
So as we started we are having fun and I’m relaxing. Silly me, I text my sister and ask her if she wants to go walking tonight after my meeting, which we normally do on Thursdays.. Of course she responded in the affirmative.
I was actually starting to feel better at the end of the meeting – Yay!!
I make it to my sister’s for 9:00pm and we leave shortly thereafter walking the dogs. Our pups were both very well behaved tonight, strangely enough – they usually do not start calm & maintain that for most of the walk.
So our walk was uneventful and we walked the neighborhood just south west of us. There was nothing extraordinary about our walk in the way of physical exertion.
There was a coyote but that’s a different story altogether.
One thing about that walk however was the length. It was almost 11:00pm by the time we got back to her house. In steps that is over 10,000 and about 5½ miles (no clue why my Fitbit is still in miles)
God Help Me! Five miles & 11,000 steps for one casual walk.
So take a guess how I felt afterwards. Horrible! My leggs were very painful. I’m thinking a 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale..
I had a shower and the hot water was lovely- everything seemed to relax under the hot spray. Unfortunately it would return when the heat got moved to another spot. I think I need to go snorkeling in a hot tub! LOL..
So I medicated again, including my MMJ…
Guess how I felt the next day…
I was actually expecting to be in a flare the next morning… Surprisingly, my Leggs were sore.. pain at a 3, 3½.. was expecting 7 or so.
For those who don’t know the backstory, I’ve always called Laura my sister. Technically, she was my sister-in-law but I have known her since I was 12 or 13. We were also friends in our own right through soccer & field hockey.
Laura was a Toronto police officer recently returned from maternity leave. While responding to an emergency burglary call for an elderly woman, her vehicle was hit by a civilian. Her police cruiser spun, throwing her partner from the vehicle but wrapping her around a tree. The civilian was never charged with anything, not even failing to yield to the emergency vehicle.
Laura with Paige, only hours old.
A new mother, a caring sister, a supportive daughter, a good friend, a loving wife and a great police officer, her life was tragically cut short and we miss her. .
I know my last post was not a hugely positive one. Unfortunately I just needed to vent about what I was seeing around me. But there are many many good things that I am grateful for and they are bigger and generally more important than the issues I discussed previously. . So today I want to tell you the things I am grateful for.
Family: After several years bouncing in and out of a toxic rekationship that estranged me from everyone, I left permanently after he was finally charged. Despite great trepidation and concersn from my family, they agreed to let me stay temporarily, expecting me to go back yet again. But with their support & others listed me below, I realized that I was hurting myself & them with my behaviour. I have since rebuilt my relationship with my parents, my sister & her family. I even have some semblance of a relationship with my brother.
Geeze.. I’ve only written one & I’m already in tears as I write this!
My Best Friend: I was absolutely horrible to this woman whom I have been friends with since high school . Because of the control my ex had over me, I was a complete and total bitch to her. My ex even contributed, I found out later, to the failure of her lucrative homer business. After she had a significant health scare, I was *allowed* to visit her. We slowly started to rebuild a relationship.. I even crashed on her couch for a few month during one of the times I left him. She was, I don’t think she realizes, had a significant impact on getting my head set forward. If this has not been re-established, I may not have let the police in or let the charges be filed. She was there for me when I needed her. It took about 4 years since we reconnected for her to again call me her best friend. She never realized how important that was for me to hear her say that. I am not sure she even knows now.
Man.. another doozy.. I’m sure that there’s gonna be edits cuz I can’t see through the tears. (& more years in the edit.)
Those who know us will get it.
Durham Family Services: Because of my income level, I was eligible to access the counseling services through the region (kinda like a county in the US) The woman I met, Fran, helped me through alot that first year I was back. I worked on my self esteem, learned some new coping skills and started to love myself again.
YMCA of GTA: This is actually my gym. I am grateful for my gym because I was able to get healthier and loose weight. I also has alot of social interaction there with people & started making friends
My Lilly: Yes, I did do a blog post about how she’s helped me, but I am still forever grateful for her. Whether she knows it or not.
Friends: Old and new. I’ve reconnected with alot of people in my past like in the post about three’s, but others as well.. Add in the new friends I’ve made since I’ve been back, plus the few I managed to keep from during my estrangement. While I may or may not maintain these friendships, or I could get something new from them remains to be seen, but just having a larger social circle is helping me. Which brings me to..
Scouting: I know most people wouldn’t get this, but before my relationship, I was an active Scouter. Now I was dwindling down on what I could do, but I did enjoy it. Flash 8-10 years later.. I’m back. And my eldest nephew wants to become a Junior leader)SIT with the Beavers. We (my sister & I) thought this would be a great way for me to reconnect with people & to build something with my nephew. . So I started as a “One hour a week” Scouter. Bringing my nephew every week… Now, with an awesome team of Scouters & friend (again, both old and new) I’m a major role in the Cub section (age 8-10).. I’m able to work with the youth, yet still be able to pace myself & no over do it.. much.. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to return to troop level and do that. Fortunately, I’m actually enjoying working with this age group.
International Symbol of Scouting.
My Medical Team: To the non-judgemental support from my current medical team, I am grateful. I am now on a positive Health Care Journey. With their help, I’ve managed to improve my health . I’ve lost weight, I’ve become more fit. I’ve come off alot of medications I really did not need, and supported me through addiction, tho no one knew at the time. I know I will never be healthy enough to return to work on much more than a casual part-time basis, but I am able to live a decent life despite fibromyalgia & my 6-bilkion other health issues.
This isn’t even going through the little things I’m grateful for.. The sun on my face, The lake at the cottage. Having a car to drive.. To have a regular income. To smell the flowers.. For being able to hug people (yes, only a special few right now). For privacy. For Fun. For freedom. For Love. For painting rocks. For exercise. For healthy outdoor spaces.. & you, still reading my post!!
I’m grateful for itvall.. & to those I can thank, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
While none of them are biologically mine, they are the closest I will ever have to children & by extension, grandchildren.
One lives with me. She is my life. If you read my post “She Saved me“, you’ll see why I love her so much. My absolute closest child is my Furbaby. She is 8½ years old.
My oldest 2 are my best friend’s children. Since I’ve known her since we were 16-17, I’ve know the girls all their lives. They are my oldest God Children & my bff put a clause in her will that I must have unfettered access to the girls should she pass away (I’ve rarely been in a financial place to support a family which is the only reason she did not give me custody). I have changed diapers, fed them, helped them learn to tie shoes, helped them ride a bike, taken them out for Halloween, celebrated birthdays, holidays & other milestones, take them out on adventures, disciplined them, played Santa – wrapping gifts & stuffing stockings (plus wrapping paper tube sword fights), celebrated milestones with them, mourned with them, did girl guides & Scouting with them, supported them, loved them.
You know when you’ve been in their life forever when one day you show up on an older sweatshirt, the child (well, she’s 27 now) looked at me & says “Didn’t you used to have another sweatshirt like that?” Of course her mom & I make eye contact & burst into laughter.. it was the same sweatshirt! Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder.
in addition, the younger of the two has a little boy, making her Mom a grandmother at 41, & me a God Grandmother? Or Grand Godmother? He just knows me as Kelli, Nana’s best friend
My first God child, before my God daughters cuz they were baptized older, is the son of friends of mine that I was close to when he was born. Was MC at their wedding. Ironically, I am now friends with him, not her since they split. Unfortunately, she turned her son from his family in Ontario so not even his Dad hears from him. While he isn’t in my life, I think of him & I know he remembers me as the Veggie Tales Lady cuz if give him Veggie Tales movie for Christmas, Easter & his birthday for several years in a row.
Edit: Apparently, he is become someone who I am not interested in associating with. He’s been living with his mother & has taken on her values, perceptions & beliefs. Unfortunately, his mother & I had a series of escalating disagreements, and she has turned into a total Snowflake. So with him becoming his mother, it looks like I only have 6.
My last three kids are my sister’s kids . Like with my bff’s children I started again with diapers, baby sitting, taxi service, arts & crafts, sporting events, music recitals, Scout meetings, more Halloween, birthdays, holidays, more adventures, support, respect & love. My sister recently asked me if her & her hubby pass that I would take custody of her son, my 4th & final GodChild. (Not the other 2 cuz they’re of age)..
As you can see I have alot of children in my life.. All of them important to me, whether they know it or not. There are other children in my life, but these 7, I’d do almost anything for, like any Mom would (well should) do.
In November of 2011, a little puppy was born. In February of 2012, she became mine.
Prior to us getting her, I’d had alot of issues. My relationship was severely toxic & abusive. I was no longer was in contact with close friends & family. My health was rapidly deteriorating & my disability made me almost house bound. My depression started going into overdrive & I did not deal well.
As a result, I have lost track of the number of suicide attempts I had over the first 5-6 years of our relationship. It was so bad that I wrote on my meds list “In the event of a Suicide Attempt Do NOT Let me go home”. I was on 5 different antidepressants & they were not mixing well either.
But my life Changed when in February 2012 when I was given a life to take care of. Lilly.
I now had a “reason to live.”
She became my world. She was 100% mine. My partner did close to nothing with her on his own. He didn’t feed her, groomer her, take her out. He did occasionally play with her, but I don’t think he ever loved her. But I did.
So despite the increasing toxicity, I was able to survive because I had her. I had to be around to take care of her. I honestly believe, she would have suffered if I was gone & left with him.
She was my world. She was the reason I got up in the morning – literally. I had to take her out for a walk in the morning to do her business.
My relationship came to a sudden end when his son overheard his Dad threatening Lilly’s life. Now I don’t know if the boy knew his Dad was talking about Lil, or if he thought the treat was towards me. Either way he called 911. My ex was arrested and charged with Uttering Death Threats I believe the charge was.
I took Lilly & moved back home to my parents despite their misgivings. I got counselling, months and months of counselling. I was able to focus on my health. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I managed to maintain friendships from the time I was with him despite him. I am so lucky to have both of my best friend’s back as two of the closest people to me. I’ve rebuilt my relationships with family, my parents, my sister & her family, my brother & his family.
I am happy, reasonably healthy, and alive. Thanks to her.
Why is it that when one person has a health issue, it seems like a dozen other people is your circle also have health issues? We’re been up to our necks in it lately..
It started with me on Christmas morning and my fibromyalgia pain getting the best of me (see here: http://bit.ly/AsUG8Q)..
Then 2-3 days later SO’s Best Friend’s SiL, who he is friends with, doesn’t wake up.. She had a brain aneurysm, went to a Thunder Bay hospital and was air lifted to Hamilton & a neurologist was brought in from Toronto to do the appropriate brain surgery.. Fortunately, surgery went well & she is doing well, all things considered. She still has a lot of recovery time ahead, but she is improving daily..
Then Thursday morning, my Granma (my Dad’s mum) is taken to Emerg in Toronto with GI & internal bleeding issues and was finally admitted to a room late Thursday.. They are still running tests, trying to figure out what’s wrong, what’s helping, what’s not.. She’s stable now and I think they are getting a handle on it..
Now, this afternoon, my sister calls.. My parents are still in St Martin in the Dominican Republic.. Apparently Mom blacked out after dinner last night, and fell face first onto the cement sidewalk.. So, she’s got one nasty looking face & her nose has been slightly mangled which they won’t treat down there .. I’m more concerned about why she blacked out, than the result of the fall.. Lucky her has been having her own GI issues this week & she’s got blood pressure issues… She has not been cleared medically to fly, but we don’t know why.. Unfortunately info on her condition is filtered from my parents to my brother who is also down there to my sister here in Ontario before it comes to me, so what info I get is watered down..
So, needless to say there’s been a lot going on.. If the rule of 3’s applies, we got two more issues coming, cuz we’ve got four now! All I can really do is pray & hope of the best.. I’d very much appreciate if you could include me, Catherine, Audrey & Judy in your prayers as well..
For my fibromyalgia, I currently take the following Medications/supplements
Multi-vitamin – Naturapathy Dr does not recommend Centrum or most pharmacy brand multi’s
Calcium & Magnesium with vitamin D – Calcium cuz Women with Endo are more susceptible to Osteoporosis. Mg & D to help absorb the Calcium. The Magnesium also to help with muscle spasms & charlie horses. I have found that it has helped.
Fish oils – Generic fish oils, minimum 1000mg a day .. Well, I try to. Naturapathy Dr recommended 1000mg-3000mg daily of the EPA+DHA to help with mental acuity. I’m still waiting for the fog to lift, but I’m not usually getting enough to impact because I fog up & forget.. Lovely catch 22 there.
B complex to help with stress and ensure that I get enough B’s. No, I don’t take a stress formula. Just a normal B complex.. either 50mg or 100mg
Codeine Contin for maintenance pain.
Tylenol #3 for breakthrough pain
Oxycodone for severe breakthrough pain
Flexeril (Cyclobenzaprine) as a muscle relaxer. I find it better than anything OTC..
Probiotics to help regulate my digestive track – it works, ‘cept when I have an IBS flare or food sensitivity
NSAID, but it’s for my Endometriosis, so I don’t really know if it does impact my FMS or not.
For my fibromyalgia, I currently participate in the following exercise:
Aqua-fit, really carefully – I’m just getting back into exercise, so I am trying to get to the gentle classes. My local YMCA gym has a class or arthritics and for osteoporosis. Aqua-fit is a good choice because of the buoyancy of the water, it doesn’t impact my knees, and it’s a gentle cardio
Seriously, right now that’s it. I need access to a hot tub to do further exercise to keep my body warm.
For my fibromyalgia, I intend to return to the following exercises:
Yoga with the hot tub – Yoga provides gentle stretching while working on core strength and balance. The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
Keeping up with Aqua-fit – see above 🙂
Walking the track to music with the hot tub – I got into walking when my nieces were born, walking with my sister. After I joined the Y and my nephew was born, I would take him in his stroller to walk him around the track. He’s too old now, but I have found it enjoyable with my MP3 player (or CD player back then). I sometimes dance a little bit and my pace changes with the music I’m listening to. It’s hard to overexert myself. 🙂 The hot tub helps to keep muscles relaxed afterward.
A benefit from the exercise is that I tend to be tired out afterward and relaxed. This makes evening workouts ideal in that I go home, go straight to bed and will sleep well, with a decent amount of healing rest. This improves me, physically, emotionally and mentally for the next day.
For my fibromyalgia. my spiritual side is limited. I don’t go to church often, however I do find solace in my home church’s sanctuary. I’ve moved away from my home church and have yet to try out the sanctuary here. I also find the same ‘state of grace’ from music, especially my churchy music 🙂
For my fibromyalgia, because of my physical limitation, I am limited socially. Most of my social interaction is via the internet on Twitter, Facebook, Email, etc.. The alternative to that in real life is with my SO and his friends. Most of my friends no longer talk to me, or are too far away for more than email. The classes as the Y present a new socialization source, which I hope to be helpful. With the improvement of my health I would like to return to scouting in some sort of part-time or limited capacity.
For my fibromyalgia and my cognitive abilities, I am starting this blog. It will help keep me thinking and requires research. It also provides a creative outlet. I also enjoy doing word searches and have, on recommendation on my therapist, started to colour and have other crafts options available to me.
For my fibromyalgia and an emotional aspect, I have a councilor and have been placed on anti-depressants. While my time with her is limited I do find that I feel better after I speak with her. Additionally I have the support with my SO. While sometimes he can not understand and becomes frustrated, I know he only has best intentions where I am concerned.
How do I cope? Not well. Other than the limited exercise mentioned above, the odd screaming match and the rarer still church visit, I have no real outlets.. Which sucks. Before I got sick, my outlets for frustration and anger and stress were physical. With the fibro, I have lost that. Any suggestions are welcome 🙂
Fibromyalgia 
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