Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Happy New Year!! 2023

January 1, 2023

I wish you Joy.

I wish you Happiness.

I wish you Good Health & Wellness.

I wish you Beauty.

I wish you Prosperity.

I wish you Love.

I wish you Humour & Laughter

I wish you Serenity.

I wish you Grace.

I wish you Bravery & Courage.

I wish you Success.

I wish you Hope.

I wish you Inspiration.

I wish you Fulfillment.

I wish you Goodness & Light.

I wish you Faith

I wish you Satisfaction.

I wish you Interest & Stimulation.

I wish you Contentment.

I wish you Peace.

I wish you Strength & Fortitude.

& I wish you the Bad so you can *always* Appreciate the Good

Christmas Cookies

December 30, 2022

Every year for Christmas, I bake cookies to give to friends and family for gifts. To make it easy on myself, I buy some of the dough pre-made. This also allows for a little more variety than if I just made six batches of peanut butter cookies or sugar cookies.

Peanut Butter Cookies

I tried something different this year. Yes, I still bought the pre-mix dough and I also still mixed up some dough. What was different this year is that I only baked the cookies that I needed as I needed them. Previous years I would bake all the cookies and then freezing them all.

While this does take more time, it has been spread out over multiple days. It limits doing repetitive and eventually very painful actions for hours & hours on end. Plus, I’m also not spending one day constantly baking

Chocolate Chocolate Chunk Cookies

The other benefit is that for most people, the cookies are fresh – straight from the oven almost in most cases..

Various Type of Cookies on Cooling Racks

Unfortunately, I did not see my brother’s family this year due to a really bad storm the day before our family dinner. He was still digging out with intermittent power. His eldest god to school near me, so I will send the family’s cookies home with her after the holiday break. Until then, they are frozen cuz dough only remains good for a limited period of time.

Ginger Molasses Cookies

The only other ones that were baked & frozen were the gluten free ones for my neice’s & SiL’s gluten intolerances. That was done for two reasons. First to ensure that all the gluten-free products were baked on a gluten-free surface and not switching between gluten-free and regular cookies. Second to keep all the gluten-free cookies together. I didn’t want to get them mixed up.

Waiting On Councilling

December 16, 2022

So I have been waiting quite some time for counseling services in my area. Almost 2 weeks ago I called Durham Family services to inquire as to my position on the waitlist. I received a call last Monday from Jason and the intake of Durham Family Services. But apparently there was a bit of a miscommunication. He wasn’t calling to let me know where I stood on the waitlist as per my request, he called to let me know I was at the top of the wait list and to get me set up with counseling.

Yay!

Finally getting a councillor with DFS!

So he was going to set me up with a counselor and I mentioned I would appreciate seeing the counselor I saw a previously. Unfortunately she had a full case load and to add to her caseload they have to get consent specifically from her. Unfortunately she was on vacation all last week so they couldn’t reach her until early this week.

I was called on Wednesday and was advised that the counselor I wanted to see had agreed to add me to her caseload..

Yay!

So, after 13 months of waiting I now have my first appointment set up for late January – only 14 months after first requesting counseling. Oi.

Better late than never

I’m just glad I have an appointment scheduled and it’s with a counselor that I’ve already built a connection with..

Then I have to wait for Catholic Family Services and Carea.. Hopefully they are timed to fit from one to the next to the next! I’d like to get my issues completely dealt with.

Christmas Is Busy For Me

December 15, 2022

Personally, for me, Christmas is probably the busiest time of year. Plus with personal issues that I’ve been having with different relationships, I haven’t been able to focus here very much.. so my apologies for not posting… Again…

Tis the season to be busy

Just to give you an idea. Monday was dinner out with a friend I haven’t seen in a coons ahe. Tuesday I have errands all afternoon & a cub planning meeting in the evening.. Wednesday is the Cub year end meeting, a social gathering & baking both before & after those. Thutsday I have to organize the baking, getting some ready for me to post as well as for friends this weekend. In the evening, I’m off to my sister’s for hair & a walk with the dogs. Friday, weather permitting, I’m getting the headlight fixed then I’m heading out for a social event with out-of-town friends I have not seen since Labour Day. Saturday is a coffee date (Whoo hoo!!) Sunday is soccer.. I still need to do groceries: normal groceries, Christmas dinner groceries, cookie baking groceries.. then, more baking as our family Christmas is on the 23rd.. plus wrapping presents for Mom, Dad, Sister & her family & a friend who I exchange with for more than just cookies..

So, yeah . Busy….

Christmas is like College Final Exam Week

And I’m probably missing stuff in the schedule..

Plus I need to fit in exercise, a hot tub or two or 6, plus other personal self care & put up my second tree.. & make some ornaments..

Keep calm, it's only Christmas

So, ALOT goes on a Christmas..

Last 2 Weeks

November 10, 2022

I went on a bit of a downwards slide on the weekend before Halloween. Found out my ex has a promise ring from his new girl. He proceeds to show it to me, tells me what it is, and realizing his stupidity says, “it’s not what you think it means”. Well it may not mean much to him, but I’m sure it does to her.

She also has to have ordered it while he & I were still together. Not impressed.

Spent the next week either busy af, or just feeling everything. No middle ground. Either complete distraction or completely emotional. No stability.

Slowly been trying to work through my emotions about the end of that relationship this last week.. Ups and down, but they are becoming a little less of a roller coaster. Even small improvement is improvement.

Being Sick with Fibro

October 25, 2022

So i caught a bug this weekend. Stuffy nose, sore throat, head ache, body aches . Never did take my temperature.. & I noticed something .

The Fibro pain isn’t typically everywhere at once.. it’s usually once place or another, not everywhere.. But you add the body aches & every is now hurting.. yuck.

How the Cottage Went

September 16, 2022

Some of you may have noticed that some posts are no longer visible. In hindsight, probably not the best place to vent. So for those who missed it, here is my birthday weekend in a nutshell:

Needless to say, it sucked.

Shock

Cognitive Issues with this Project

September 13, 2022

I have been sewing to some extent, all my life starting with Brownie badges & Barbie clothes.

In Jr high I made a denim pencil case, some board shorts, & a couple of pillows. Growing up I helped Mom with her sewing projects

Over the years I’ve branched out on my own projects. I made myself clothing as some of the plus clothing in the stores just didn’t suit me or were poor quality. I’ve made pants, overalls, capris, dresses, camp ponchos, Halloween costumes, etc.. I even helped my mom make pajamas for my nieces. Then there were covid masks – lots of COVID tri-layered home made covid masks.

I’ve made alterations of different types including simple hems, preplacing elastic waist bands, reinforcing hems, adjusting the fit of dresses, mending of many a dog toy, not to mention tons of buttons & camp & uniform patched &:badges.

So, needless to say, I have had a decent grasp of the concepts with sewing.

Recently, my sister asked me to help her sew slip covers for her outdoor furniture. I agreed before I found out there were 28 cushions to cover.

Now, I know I’ve had cognitive impairments that have impacted my ability to function. Family members have not noticed to what extent this has impacted me, until this project.

Both my Mom and my sister are stunned with the amount of problems I’ve been having. We all agree I am not stupid. I’m quite intelligent but there are so many other ways I’m having issues.

Poor Communication : I think I’ve told someone something that I thought I had. I also have trouble explaining concepts, ideas, solutions in a way that others can understand I will bet I’ve not explained the problems accurately or succinctly enough below to make most people understand issues I encountered. Then solutions to problems (see below) that my sister recommended were the same as mine but just from a different angle but somehow I can not able to explain it. It happened so many times & I was so frustrated with myself that I just let her do what she wanted, sometimes even if I knew it was wrong and I couldn’t explain why.

Ability to Remember / Relearn : I should know basic sewing skills like how to thread a bobbin, which way to sew a hem, how & where to place a seam, knowing what stitches do certain functions, how hard to pull the material through, how quickly to run the machine. These are all basic skills I had and in some cases have taken up to a week to remember or relearn.

Poor Problem Solving Skills : With sewing from our own pattern, I’ve encountered multiple problems, many due to missing the skills above. I had taken me days to figure out solutions to some of the problems for example, seams. I keep reversing my seems and putting the seem on the incorrect side, putting the rough on the outside instead in the inside resulting in many seams being removed and redone. Another is sewing only the fabric required & not accidentally overlapping other parts of the material – I still did this a week after starting. My sister even said my problem solving skills were so bad that I probably would not even be able to work at a job as basic as McDonald’s.

Inability to make corrections: This goes with the problem solving skills. I had a piece of material with one side of velcro on it. I sewed the piece on correctly. However, I had seen it on incorrectly. I had though I’d put the velcro on the wrong side, so I ripped it off. This made the initial blunder even worse, because after I’d switch the velcro to the top, I was then able to see that I had sewing it correctly to begin with, but had reversed the seam. So I had to remove the piece and the velcro again. I had to replace the velcro to the original correct side and resew the side piece coorectly. I was so frustrated and almost in tears because I never would have made this massive double blunder when I was younger.

Spacial Impairment : First, I have a good background in mathematics including social orientation and had even earned a small scholarship as a result, but my sister never had that as a strength. So, as I mentioned above, we were sewing from our own pattern, nothing pre established. It was based on a YouTube video my sister watched. I’ve had alot of problems understanding the way she has wanted me to sew certain pieces on & how they should work together. The only way we were able to visualize how things should be done was by actually putting the fabric on the cushions. Neither of us could get the orientation in our heads. For my sister, that was fine, but for me, it had been a strength and I felt so useless.

It just upsets me, writing this post, to actually write down how many problems I have, how many intellectual skills I have lost. I’m almost in tears. Frustration? Grief? I don’t know.

So because of how obvious it has become, my mom & sister have both suggested I talk to my doctor about these issues Because I can not explain the issues well, my Mom is coming with me, and I’ve asked my sister to write up her opinion. She actually asked me if she wanted her to write it in a way that won’t hurt my feelings. I know it’s bad, so I told her to be blunt & straight up. I know she has great communication skills, so she will be able to express my problems in a way I can never do.

I asked Wendy to write something up for my doctor & accidentally got the date wrong so this is the quick blurb she wrote for my GP.

"So working memory… able to hold things in head to process them, general memory.. asking questions that u had asked a few minutes before, making same sewing mistake many times e.g side sections.. still sew up past stop line after 8 corners, doesn't occur to you figure problem solve this e.g double pin… you came up with solution but I brought up the idea to problem solve this."

I’m pretty sure the issues are due to fibro because I *have* had assessments done and even several MRIs because of it.

I have blood work which I have done and I’ve scheduled a cognitive and memory test for the 29th of August. I follow up Dr Uju I’m September 6th

Cognative Issues, Test Results

September 9, 2022

Bloodwork:

Thee tests I had done were all negative, except that my hypothyroidism medication was at too high a level because of my weight loss.. So that’s been reduced

COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENTS TEXTING

The testing, imo was inconclusive. His word memory test was too easy to remember.. Dog. Tree. Ball. They’re related. Dog pees on tree, dog plays with ball. The shape he had me draw was a symmetrical pattern over lapping itself. With my math background that kinda thing is easy & not sure how it impacts my memory

NEXT STEPS:

So the meds are changed with a follow-up in three months.. if there’s no improvement, I’ll explain why I thought the test was inconclusive & request a redo

fyi

September 6, 2022

For me, with depression, comes short temper, bitchiness a short fuse, isolation and zero motivation.

The only time you will see me do are the ones that are required, in my opinion, I’m dealing with one of my vices, are the rare times I am trying to get out of my head.

if I want to talk, I’ll tell you.