International Overdose Awareness Day

I recently only found out about this day of awareness by a flier & purple flowers that caught my eye.. I saw this in, of all places, Lakefield Ontario.. Population 2,753.

International Overdose Awareness Day is a global event held on 31 August each year and aims to raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of a drug-related death. It also acknowledges the grief felt by families and friends remembering those who have died or had a permanent injury as a result of drug overdose.

International Overdose Awareness Day spreads the message that overdose death is preventable. Thousands of people die each year from drug overdose. They come from all walks of life.

This is kind of important for mecuz when my mental health was bad.. this was my consistent choice of dealing, or rather not dealing with mybisdues..

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday,! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to Me!!

I Am Grateful

I know my last post was not a hugely positive one. Unfortunately I just needed to vent about what I was seeing around me. But there are many many good things that I am grateful for and they are bigger and generally more important than the issues I discussed previously. . So today I want to tell you the things I am grateful for.

Family: After several years bouncing in and out of a toxic rekationship that estranged me from everyone, I left permanently after he was finally charged. Despite great trepidation and concersn from my family, they agreed to let me stay temporarily, expecting me to go back yet again. But with their support & others listed me below, I realized that I was hurting myself & them with my behaviour. I have since rebuilt my relationship with my parents, my sister & her family. I even have some semblance of a relationship with my brother.

Geeze.. I’ve only written one & I’m already in tears as I write this!

My Best Friend: I was absolutely horrible to this woman whom I have been friends with since high school . Because of the control my ex had over me, I was a complete and total bitch to her. My ex even contributed, I found out later, to the failure of her lucrative homer business. After she had a significant health scare, I was *allowed* to visit her. We slowly started to rebuild a relationship.. I even crashed on her couch for a few month during one of the times I left him. She was, I don’t think she realizes, had a significant impact on getting my head set forward. If this has not been re-established, I may not have let the police in or let the charges be filed. She was there for me when I needed her. It took about 4 years since we reconnected for her to again call me her best friend. She never realized how important that was for me to hear her say that. I am not sure she even knows now.

Man.. another doozy.. I’m sure that there’s gonna be edits cuz I can’t see through the tears. (& more years in the edit.)

Those who know us will get it.

Durham Family Services: Because of my income level, I was eligible to access the counseling services through the region (kinda like a county in the US) The woman I met, Fran, helped me through alot that first year I was back. I worked on my self esteem, learned some new coping skills and started to love myself again.

YMCA of GTA: This is actually my gym. I am grateful for my gym because I was able to get healthier and loose weight. I also has alot of social interaction there with people & started making friends

My Lilly: Yes, I did do a blog post about how she’s helped me, but I am still forever grateful for her. Whether she knows it or not.

Friends: Old and new. I’ve reconnected with alot of people in my past like in the post about three’s, but others as well.. Add in the new friends I’ve made since I’ve been back, plus the few I managed to keep from during my estrangement. While I may or may not maintain these friendships, or I could get something new from them remains to be seen, but just having a larger social circle is helping me. Which brings me to..

Scouting: I know most people wouldn’t get this, but before my relationship, I was an active Scouter. Now I was dwindling down on what I could do, but I did enjoy it. Flash 8-10 years later.. I’m back. And my eldest nephew wants to become a Junior leader)SIT with the Beavers. We (my sister & I) thought this would be a great way for me to reconnect with people & to build something with my nephew. . So I started as a “One hour a week” Scouter. Bringing my nephew every week… Now, with an awesome team of Scouters & friend (again, both old and new) I’m a major role in the Cub section (age 8-10).. I’m able to work with the youth, yet still be able to pace myself & no over do it.. much.. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to return to troop level and do that. Fortunately, I’m actually enjoying working with this age group.

International Symbol of Scouting.

My Medical Team: To the non-judgemental support from my current medical team, I am grateful. I am now on a positive Health Care Journey. With their help, I’ve managed to improve my health . I’ve lost weight, I’ve become more fit. I’ve come off alot of medications I really did not need, and supported me through addiction, tho no one knew at the time. I know I will never be healthy enough to return to work on much more than a casual part-time basis, but I am able to live a decent life despite fibromyalgia & my 6-bilkion other health issues.

This isn’t even going through the little things I’m grateful for.. The sun on my face, The lake at the cottage. Having a car to drive.. To have a regular income. To smell the flowers.. For being able to hug people (yes, only a special few right now). For privacy. For Fun. For freedom. For Love. For painting rocks. For exercise. For healthy outdoor spaces.. & you, still reading my post!!

I’m grateful for itvall.. & to those I can thank, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Trials and Tribulations of the World Today – A Vent.

Lately I’ve been getting more agitated about things that I normally do. I’m trying to figure out why. I’m wondering if people are becoming more ignorant, inconsiderate, stupid and just plain jerks? Am I becoming more centative to things as I’m getting older? Is COVID19 making us more selfcaware, yet less aware of those around us? Could the pandemic just be putting everyone on edge a little more that before?

I don’t know. Maybe when the world gets past this we might be able to figure it out

So… from here on, it is just to vent about what I’ve been dealing with personally.

• People not wearing masks properly, especially retail staff
• People not abiding my arrows of the floor.
• The expectation that because we are strangers, but both wearing masks that we do not have to social distance.
• Being thwarted when attempting to social distance – people have cut me off when I’ve left 6feet between myself & the person in front of me.
• Stupid drivers.. I can’t count the number of accidents I’ve nearly had because of other drivers, like pulling out too far at a stop sign, or like pulling a rolling stop at an All-Way & taking your left turn despite the person opposite you at an appropriate stop who is coming straight through or going 140 in a 90 zone (km not miles)
• People just being oblivious to those around them and not being able to social distance around them.
• Snarky “It’s a hoax” people. People can have their opinion & voice it without being total idiots about it.
• People still not wearing masks.
• Not having a contactless payment system. Not all stores have Tao yet. I have to sanitize my card every time it goes into a reader.
• People not realizing or not caring that their actions have consequences, not just to themselves but others.. Especially those at higher risk like the ill & the elderly.

Keep an eye out for my next topic – what I’m grateful for..

Getting No Sleep..

It is 4:45, AM. & I’m still awake.. I don’t get this..

I had the same problem last night. I could not sleep. Finally dozed off at 6am & was up shortly after Noon.. So I got about 6 hours of sleep whereas normally I try for a good 12 hours..

So, given that had a short sleep last night & the physicality of filling, then emptying the car for the cottage, I figured I’d be out all night long.

I’m not that lucky.

Anyone got suggestions on how to get to sleep?

Edit: Started getting stomach cramps about 10-15 minutes after posting this.. Ended up dozing on the bathroom floor by the toilet for about 1½hr.. finally my system rejected whatever was the problem was & was able to sleep for about 5 hours..

I’m A Human Pincushion

About 8, maybe 10 years ago, I was referred to The Centre for Pain Management to help get the fibro under control &, if I’m lucky, off all the drugs.

I was initially getting weekly injections of Marcaine. This is an injectable medication that is a numbing agent similar to Lidocaine..

Where do I get them? Lol, everywhere! hence the pincushion reference.. They are primarily in my back. I get nerve injections & trigger point injections. The nerve injections, I get 4in the lower back on each side of my spine & the sciatic nerve the goes down the leg. I get two in the neck on each side. And a final pair at the top of the shoulder. So that’s 16 to start, pretty much every visit. The number of trigger point injections depends on what’s been flaring (FM? CFS? OA? MPS? Stress?) Initially she was giving me upwards to another 20-30 shots. That means up to 45 shots in my back neck & shoulders.

About 5 years ago we started to see improvement & extended the time between visits so that unless I was in a flare I was going every other week. This progressed to three weeks, then four.

Just before COVID hit in March, I was just starting & doing well on an appointment every 5 weeks. While I was still usually getting the basic 16, I was only getting 10.. 15 max other injections in my back. I was doing well.

Unfortunately due to COVID & the loss of many of my other treatments, my pain levels have jumped back up.. However, not as bad as when I initially met her.. so I’m currently going every other week.. getting the base 16 & maybe another 15. With my other treatments slowly becoming available, I am hoping I will be able to return to the levels I was in the spring.

Currently, I visit my Doctor at CPM every other week. However, I will be away when my next appointment shows up & I’ll be trying every 3 weeks. Hopefully it’ll be ok. There is no way I’d be able to drive home in that kinda pain.

Proper Methods of Handwashing

Instructions directly from the Public Health Agency of Canada

Although hand washing might seem like a simple task, be sure to follow these steps to thoroughly rid your hands of germs.

Step 1: Wet hands with warm water.

Step 2: Apply soap.

Step 3: Wash hands for at least 20 seconds (including your palms, back of each hand, between fingers, thumbs and under nails).

Step 4: Rinse well.

Step 5: Dry hands well with paper towel.

Step 6: Turn off tap using paper towel.

Here is the video provided aswell, for a detailed demonstration.

It Always Comes In Three’s

As we know, stuff always happens in Three’s. Commonly it’s nothing good like three deaths, three breakups, etc.. But they don’t always have to be bad.. So, these three are good events.. Connecting with people from my past.

The first is Billy.. Billy is a former boyfriend of mine from back in the late 90’s. He was initially from Scotland & moved to Canada with his family at age 6. After we broke up & some other events happened in his life, he decided to return to Scotland with his Mother & sister’s. Fast forward 20 years.. His Dad is very sick and he has connected with his highschool sweetheart & planned to move back. So contacted me last year letting me know he was planning on moving back.. So, we rekindled a friendship, but nothing more. He finally gets back here & doesn’t tell me he’s back in Canada, the brat, until he’d been here over a month.. and then COVID hit. Which is why I haven’t seen him at all..So, as a friend & friend only, he is now back in my life..

The second was David. I’ve know him since grade 9 and we were close friends for a long time. Then conflict arose, some my fault, some his. & We haven’t talked since. A few months back a friend of mine shared a DM/Star Wars video.. It was funny. So, I suggested to this mutual friend that he might appreciate the video. He was on my mind for a while after that & I choose to unblock him. Fast forward to the summer. I’m working with another Cub Scout group with a summer virtual program. One of the Scouters recently had emergency surgery, so I left her 2 inspiration Rocks to helpr hfeel better – one saying Be Safe & the other Be Well. She posted them on Facebook, saying she got them from Scouter Koolaid (that’s me).. He picked up on that comment & said “there’s only one person I know of with that name.” & They started talking how it was too bad that we had severed our friendship saying he was hoping to connect again with me some time. At this point he did not know I had unblocked him ,& could see his comments. I actually missed the first few comments initially, cuz I don’t check my Facebook enough for the number of notifications I get. He said to the other Cub Scouter that he wished he could extend an olive branch, which is where I finally saw the post & shocked the shit out of him by tagging him & saying “I actually unblocked you some time ago.” Shortly after he sent me s Facebook message ,& we’ve been talking. While I know our friendship will never be the same he’s come back into my life. This is a good thing.

This third on surprised me. My highschool sweetheart, Gord, had blocked me cuz his baby mama & then his wife didn’t like him connecting with other women.. We had started dating almost exactly 30 years ago (30 years & a week) for close to 2½ years but have not spoken to him in almost 20 years. So you can understand my surprise when I saw his Facebook message. There had been some animosity when we last spoke both my fault & his… I manned up & apologized for cheating on him then lying about it for years. That surprised him. As a result, we have been talking a bunch over the last a few days and we just might be able to maintain a friendship. We will see..

So, Yes things come in Three’s, but they don’t always have to be bad.

Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) Day of Understanding and Remembrance

Tomorrow, August 8th, is Sophia Mirza’s birthday.

Sophia Mirza was accused of seeking attention, her family were accused of enabling her, and she was sent to a psychiatric facility where her health declined rapidly. Sophia died of severe ME in 2005 at the age of 32. The coroner’s report showed that Sophia had massive spinal cord inflammation at the time of her death, and that she died as a result of acute renal failure arising from the effects of ME.

Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) Day of Understanding and Remembrance  was started in 2013 as a response to Sophia”s death.

Unfortunately, Sophia’s situation is not unique.

17-year-old Gigi from the UK was hospitalized with severe ME, and threatened with being sectioned  – forced institutionalization – against her will to a psychiatric ward for her inability to eat, speak or walk due to severe ME. Gigi’s family was told to stop “colluding” with their daughter.

24-year old Karina was forcibly removed from her home in Denmark in 2013 because of her myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) illness for “treatment”. Because her mental and physical health deteriorated so quickly from ME-induced neurological damage, severe over-medication, trauma as a result of her circumstances, or some combination of all three.. she became unable to communicate verbally.. and was limited to s wheelchair because of her “treatment”. These “treatments included cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), graded exercise therapy (GET), occupational therapy and psychotropic medications, all have been debunked and since considered detrimental by most ME specialists. She was lucky and was released in 2013 under significant international pressure, back home with her parents.

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Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) is a chronic, often severely disabling disease, that affects the autonomic nervous system, immune system, endocrine system, among others. It afflicts over one million people in the United States alone and as many as 17 million worldwide.  ME is a disease that robs individuals of their health, similar to untreated HIV. There are those that refer to ME as non-HIV AIDS – with good cause, as the disease can leave sufferers confined to a bed, with little capacity to fend for themselves.

With severe ME a person’s basic functionality is lost.. What would you do if you last the ability to complete any of the following basic tasks,: brush your hair or teeth, feeding yourself, going to ths bathroom unassisted, cleanliness – being able to bathe one’s self, being able to tolerate light, sound and/or touch, move unassisted in your personal space.

Many people, dare I say most, know someone who has developed ME. They done even know that because ¼ of ME, patients with Severe ME end up disappearing into darkened rooms and rarely seen. 

While I have ME & likely have since high school, my symptoms have always been relatively calm com pared to 25% who have been diagnosed with Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

August 8th is set aside for these people living their life with the most devastating of this deviating condition. It is these people we acknowledge today & honour their struggles as they live or in some cases exist with this disease. This day also for Awareness of the Severity of ME & the growing need to include the severe patients in current studies. Finally it is to remember those who we have lost both directly & indirectly due to Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

**For clarification, this condition is also called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.. it’s is often referred to as either CFS/ME or ME/CFS

I Have 7 Kids – Correction, 6.

While none of them are biologically mine, they are the closest I will ever have to children & by extension, grandchildren.

One lives with me. She is my life. If you read my post “She Saved me“, you’ll see why I love her so much. My absolute closest child is my Furbaby. She is 8½ years old.

My oldest 2 are my best friend’s children. Since I’ve known her since we were 16-17, I’ve know the girls all their lives. They are my oldest God Children & my bff put a clause in her will that I must have unfettered access to the girls should she pass away (I’ve rarely been in a financial place to support a family which is the only reason she did not give me custody). I have changed diapers, fed them, helped them learn to tie shoes, helped them ride a bike, taken them out for Halloween, celebrated birthdays, holidays & other milestones, take them out on adventures, disciplined them, played Santa – wrapping gifts & stuffing stockings (plus wrapping paper tube sword fights), celebrated milestones with them, mourned with them, did girl guides & Scouting with them, supported them, loved them.

You know when you’ve been in their life forever when one day you show up on an older sweatshirt, the child (well, she’s 27 now) looked at me & says “Didn’t you used to have another sweatshirt like that?” Of course her mom & I make eye contact & burst into laughter.. it was the same sweatshirt! Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder.

in addition, the younger of the two has a little boy, making her Mom a grandmother at 41, & me a God Grandmother? Or Grand Godmother? He just knows me as Kelli, Nana’s best friend

My first God child, before my God daughters cuz they were baptized older, is the son of friends of mine that I was close to when he was born. Was MC at their wedding. Ironically, I am now friends with him, not her since they split. Unfortunately, she turned her son from his family in Ontario so not even his Dad hears from him. While he isn’t in my life, I think of him & I know he remembers me as the Veggie Tales Lady cuz if give him Veggie Tales movie for Christmas, Easter & his birthday for several years in a row.

Edit: Apparently, he is become someone who I am not interested in associating with. He’s been living with his mother & has taken on her values, perceptions & beliefs. Unfortunately, his mother & I had a series of escalating disagreements, and she has turned into a total Snowflake. So with him becoming his mother, it looks like I only have 6.

My last three kids are my sister’s kids . Like with my bff’s children I started again with diapers, baby sitting, taxi service, arts & crafts, sporting events, music recitals, Scout meetings, more Halloween, birthdays, holidays, more adventures, support, respect & love. My sister recently asked me if her & her hubby pass that I would take custody of her son, my 4th & final GodChild. (Not the other 2 cuz they’re of age)..

As you can see I have alot of children in my life.. All of them important to me, whether they know it or not. There are other children in my life, but these 7, I’d do almost anything for, like any Mom would (well should) do.

& that is why I have 7 correction, 6 Kids.