Stuff That Doesn’t Mean We’re Okay

Posted on February 28, 2017 by MyFibroTeam

Life as a “normal” person is turned upside down when suffering from & living with chronic illnesses. Often these conditions are invisible. This can cause many to not understand and not believe that you’re as sick as you claim. They have to realize the despite the image we may project, we are in pain Every Single Day.

Then there’s the Catch-22.. Should I put forth an effort into my appearance when I miraculously do go out to look ‘normal’? Should I show up looking as bad as I feel? Or should I even bother going out? It’s a tricky thing — trying to live normally when your life no longer is. People tend to be surprised when we post a well-articulated paragraph on Facebook, have a good laugh, talk about things other than sickness (apparently lately ive been talking non-stop about Cub Scouts), write a highly researched, factually correct well written blog post, or bigger things like going on vacation even if it is just to go up to the cottage.

It is sad that we need to point out these things. It has hit many of us more than once that appearance, timed-just-right clarity of thought or momentary positive mood seem to adjust the perception of those around us creating more doubt in the truth that we each are really very, very sick.

So to that end, Take into account that while we may do things one day, these activities are not necessarily our norm, or it is something we have planned for well in advance. Review this non-exhaustive round up of things that do not mean we’re lying and actually okay:

1 – Articulation/Ability to Communicate Well

Admittedly this is currently one of my prominent disabilities, impaired cognitive function. However, many others can found themselves in the middle of a conversation in a rare moment of a clarity & articulation. And even myself even more rarely. These are the times where we have clarity of mind, excellent though process and the ability to communicate well. . In these moments, we are not communication like someone who is ill. It impairs the idea that Fibromyalgia and many other chronic disease do have cognative impairments.

i have actually spoken with several others with fibro who are highly cognizant in the change of their levels.. Personally I’m pretty sure my IQ has dropped at least 20 points by now, if not more.. In my mid-20s, I had an IQ of 180, thats hitting genius level. I haven’t had access to retesting, so I dont know 100% sure, but its pretty obvious to me.

2 – Laughing and Smiling

Apparently, those of us who are sick are not allowed to be happy, be joyful and positive. Yes, we are in pain & have memory/cognative issues, are drained & exhausted, have issues with sleep and deal with mental health issues, so some think it would get us down and we would not want laughter. In actuality, we need it the most because it feels good.. Smiling and laughing have little to do with someone’s health or pain levels. Those with chronic conditions have become strong from all the suffering they experience, they can still laugh and smile while in pain, which says not that the pain is low but that the need for relief is high.. Additionally laughing with others releases endorphins in the brain and it activates the release of the serotonin, both of which are homegrown feel-good chemicals which can only make us feel better.

3 – Getting Out

Being social is something we need to do. We can get both depressed and anti-social due to our chronic conditions. Some go “all out” as far as appearance: hair fixed, makeup, jewelry, and a dress. But I’ve never been one for being ‘dressy’ so when I go out I tend to be in jeans & a nice top. I’m not going out to impress, I am going out to have fun & enjoy myself.. But, I do tend to dress a little more sexy & with make-up when going to a club..

Some go out frequently. Personally, for purely social purposes, I go out once a week, maybe twice (without covid) . But, I also go out for Cub Scouts weekly which is different than social but is still getting out. I also get exercise – I walk weekly with my sister & our pups. We end up talking the whole time. I have also recently joined an exercise group that meets weekly which is also both social, but also exercise. Unfortunately, with my bff living out of town, & her also having fibro, we dont get to actually see each other that often even tho I have a key to her place.. I’d probably go out more if she was closer & she wasnt so busy with work..

So while we can & do get out, its not always a reflection on our health level. Sometimes we need to make accommodations. I’ve gone out to a bar, medicated on narcotics, to be with friends. (No, I wont drink) I’ve gone to Cub Scouts Day Camp the day after an unsuccessful ER visit, looped up on muscle relaxers & anti-inflammatories or MMJ. I had to go – I had half the equipment *&* the itinerary. Dont worry, there are other leaders because if I’m medicated, I don’t count for ratio. I’ve also usually had either a hot shower or preferably, a hot tub, when available, after almost any type of workout to minimize and even help prevent any residual issues I might have the next day or two. Unfortunately, there are still many times that I still need to cancel plans with scouting, friends, family & intimate relationships.

4 – Technological Activity

Technological socialization is all a lot of us have, especially with COVID. We tend to find typing on a keyboard or on text to be almost always easier. With the hermit life many of us live, we might also avoid telephone conversations because in & of themselves they can be stressful & exhausting. So when my whole body feels like death warmed over, but I’m usually more able to move fingers either on the laptop of cellphone. While a “activity” in no way suggests any other type of activity whatsoever, many people assume that because you are participating online that you are fully functional. Sometimes we express ourselves via social media just to stay sane.

If I post something non-health related or — shocker — something happy on social media or my blog, I wonder if others see it as me being “well,” which is never the case. Our illnesses are always, always there, even if we’re not talking about them at the moment. No matter how much we wish to ignore them, we would still prefer to make them go away.

5 – Announcements that Imply Activity

Many of us are creative people in some format even if is just colouring.. Due to COVID, many people have added extra creative outlets over the last 2 years.. But every new pursuit that is public in any form makes others wonder if, as mentioned above, people see those pursuits or accomplishments and think, “Oh see, she’s doing well.”

But you need to understand: I am on disability and I have no “real” job. My life revolves around creative outlets, medical appointments, cub scouts, health & wellness, Lilly, family, friendships and my social media & Blog. With my very messed up sleep schedule, I do dishes and laundry when I can, and attempting to keep both my pup Lilly and myself fed. Seriously. All of that is my every day. And as little as that seems to be, to my body, that is a whole freakin’ lot. And it gets overwhelming, and some days I can’t even do half of that.

But some days — or nights in my case — are better than others. And that healthy girl who lives buried in me somewhere is begging to come out and create, and sometimes I just have to listen. So when I post about the awesome stuff my Pack is doing, share images of my latest painting project, talk about my love of soccer, add to my Varage Sale store, or am chilling up at the cottage for a few days, all this is done either on a good day, or only take a portion of my day, but is the only activity.. What you see are ‘snips’, brief moments it time, a small glimpse into the parts of my life I want to share. And even then, some of those can be done while still laying in best, resting my body, but still having an active mind.

We are never fine. Whatever assumptions you make based on how we look, how we move, what we do, or even what people “think” we can do, the only thing safe to assume: we are always worse than you think we are

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The original post was first published here, While I have kept some of the content, I have also made multiple changes with my own feedback, comments & experiences.

The original author Kacie Fleming has learned about health and treatment options into the nearly six years since being labeled with fibromyalgia. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and spends her time working on her handmade jewelry.

Lilly’s Surgery

Two weeks ago Lily acquired a sore on her face which quickly turned big, red and eventually bloody. The initial thought was possibly an allergic reaction to a bug bite or an infection due to a mild injury that got dirty. The third option was an abscess in her jaw.

^{This is when it was inflamed, before it got bloody}

At first before it turned bloody, we though of the insect bit & I have her, on the advice or a vet, an antihistamine which did take the swelling down a bit.

Then I woke the next day to a bloody mess. The swelling was a collection of blood – a hematoma. So, she went into the vet at the next available appointment. The vet determined it was an infection, but was unsure of the cause. It could have been a cut that just got infected or, it could be an abscess in her tooth.

Between the potential of the abscess, the quality of her teeth, and the smell of her breath it was decided that she needed to get her teeth done. So Thursday she was put under anesthesia and her teeth were cleaned. Several teeth were also removed either due to abscess (the little back molar cause the hematoma), potential abscesses or they are going to shortly fall out on their own. ,

When she got home, I had to go over to my sister’s, so she cuddled up in Grandma’s lap under a blanket & everything . A Very calm and mellow dog, which is not Lilly. As the anesthesia was wearing off she got hungry and jumped down and ate the small bit of food I left upstairs for her. I had told mom that because of the anesthesia her balance would probably be off until not let her go down the stairs cuz she might fall. Despite these instructions, Lilly snuck down stairs & Ste the food that I’d left her down here.

They shaved he nose a bit to do a wound check.

She is recovering well.. not back 100% to normal, but close.. 🙂

Christmas with Chronic Health Issues

The holiday season is supposed to be the hap-happiest time, the most wonderful time of the year!
Unfortunately, it comes with a lot of stress and expectations. Many healthy or ‘normal’ people can find it difficult. Those dealing with chronic illnesses like fibro, CFS/ME, lupus, etc have it worse.. Unfortunately, for someit is the worst time of the year.

Here are some strategies that can help when things get hectic:

• Pace yourself. Conserve your energy and taking it slow.
• Say “No”: You can only do so much. If you overextend yourself, that can & usually does instigate a flare in symptoms.
• Ask for help. Again, you can only do so much. Ask someone else to help out with what you can’t do like stringing up the lights
• Stop the crash by stopping before it happens. . If you go until you’re too tired or too sore or too stressed to do more then you most definitely will crash. “Just do one or two more things, or visit one or two more shops, or go down one or two more aisles'” – this thought process only leads to decreased health..
• Keep it simple. —Decorate but not as much, celebrate—but not as much, cook if you can—but not as much.”
• Put some extra thought in any travel plans (well, not a an issue this year, but in the future) traveling during the holidays. A busy travel schedule can be hell. Give yourself the time you need .. To recover from a travel day.. To rest between flights& have sufficient layover.. & Bring what you need to travel. Be it snacks, water, ear plugs, eye mask, medications . Plan ahead and pace yourself.
• Prep food ahead of time. Get the veggies ready to throw in the pot, make the potatoes the day before, roll & fill the pies a week or two before & freeze.. If you do breakfast, mix up your eggs, or pancake mix or French toast egg dip prior.. the night before so it ready on Christmas morning.
• Organuze. Set the dinning room table the week before, or the kitchen the night or two prior to whatever extent you can.
• Leave guilt behind! Take a reality check. You have a chronic pain illness which limits what and how much you can do. Do not blaming yourself because you can’t provide the same elaborate holiday festivities you once did. Don’t even try to do everything you think your family expects from you. Don’t put those expectations on yourself – they are not realistic aspirations.
• Set priorities. You can no longer do every single holiday traditions you used to. You now have to determine what means the most to you & consider the energy levels required. Some can be modified like I stead of going walking to check out Christmas, you take a drive to check out the lights. So, again, be realistic.
• Avoid overnight visitors if you can.. If you can’t, set the expectations like ‘I’m not making you breakfast, but help yourself’ or ‘I don’t get up until 10am so they know not to knock off n my door unless it’s an emergency.’ or ‘Can you please strip the bed before you go – just toss them into a pile on the floor for me to wash.’
• If you are hosting, you can (again, not this year) ask each one to bring one or two dishes, So my sister brings the turkey, my be CES do the stuffing & gravy, my brother brings the vegetables, Mom brings the desserts.. This leaves yourself only one or two simple items to prepare. In this case bun’s & potatoes. OR just go somewhere for dinner or even a family vacation together over Christmas .
• Organize your gift giving. Keep a list of who is getting gifts & what, so you won’t have the foggy moment of ‘Did I get this for Uncle John, Cousin Sue, or my brother?’ I even make note on where to get things so I’m not heading the same time 3 times. Plus My cookie list: I make 3 different sized bundles of cookies every year. A small ½dozen to the little guys or extended family, 2 doz to the nieces, nephews, godchildren (no, Kaden, my Godson and my nephew does not get two no matter how much he’d like that), & 3 doz to bff’s, my pain doc, & the bf’s…
• While it may be more expensive, the extra cost may be worth it to shop online. You avoid the stress and exhaustion of holiday shopping in crowds of people & lots on scencury impact. Gifts can sometimes be sent directly to the recipients, saving you the hassle of finding a box, packaging the gifts and waiting in line at the post office.
• Use gift bags instead of traditional wrapping or there are decorative boxes that you can just drop something in, tape it, add ribbon & done. It is physically stressful on the body to wrap gift after gift.. My back always gives out.
• What your diet!.. Do not over eat. Take home leftovers for later instead. If you eat too much, especially too fast, you just know your body will retaliate in some manner. And avoid all the extra sugar available at this time of year, cookies, cakes, candies, pastries…
• Change your schedule as little as possible. The changes on Christmas Holiday & especially Christmas day frequently send our bodies out of whack,. Try & keep your normal activities going.. Keep up with an exercise regime. Stick, to a relative amount, with your regular diet. Keep your sleep schedule as close to normal, if you have your book club meeting stops for 2 weeks, schedule a chat with on of your friends at the same time so that you are still doing something in lieu..
• While I keep seeing the recommendation of avoiding Eggnog, I can’t agree with this, but you do need to be careful. Egg Nog has both milk/cream & eggs in it so those sensitivities need to be confirmed. If you are buying your eggnog, be aware there a ton of preservatings, thickeners & other chemicals in it. If you make it from scratch – eggs, milk, sugar & vanilla, and while it tastes better, you can not keep it around forever, even in the fridge.
• Take time for yourself.Even if it’s just two slow deep breath’s, or an hour meditation, or ordering dinner in or doing your nails.. Self care at this time if year is just as important, especially with the limitations & upcoming 1 month lockdown here where I am.

With everything going on at Christmas time, it’s inevitable that while you may not X ash, you’re not going to feel great on Boxing Day. . If possible, just stay home and rest. The more time you can take, the better.

It’s also pertainent that these tips you need not only be aware of during the holidays, be the rest of the year throughb as well.

Merry Christmas

I Am Grateful

I know my last post was not a hugely positive one. Unfortunately I just needed to vent about what I was seeing around me. But there are many many good things that I am grateful for and they are bigger and generally more important than the issues I discussed previously. . So today I want to tell you the things I am grateful for.

Family: After several years bouncing in and out of a toxic rekationship that estranged me from everyone, I left permanently after he was finally charged. Despite great trepidation and concersn from my family, they agreed to let me stay temporarily, expecting me to go back yet again. But with their support & others listed me below, I realized that I was hurting myself & them with my behaviour. I have since rebuilt my relationship with my parents, my sister & her family. I even have some semblance of a relationship with my brother.

Geeze.. I’ve only written one & I’m already in tears as I write this!

My Best Friend: I was absolutely horrible to this woman whom I have been friends with since high school . Because of the control my ex had over me, I was a complete and total bitch to her. My ex even contributed, I found out later, to the failure of her lucrative homer business. After she had a significant health scare, I was *allowed* to visit her. We slowly started to rebuild a relationship.. I even crashed on her couch for a few month during one of the times I left him. She was, I don’t think she realizes, had a significant impact on getting my head set forward. If this has not been re-established, I may not have let the police in or let the charges be filed. She was there for me when I needed her. It took about 4 years since we reconnected for her to again call me her best friend. She never realized how important that was for me to hear her say that. I am not sure she even knows now.

Man.. another doozy.. I’m sure that there’s gonna be edits cuz I can’t see through the tears. (& more years in the edit.)

Those who know us will get it.

Durham Family Services: Because of my income level, I was eligible to access the counseling services through the region (kinda like a county in the US) The woman I met, Fran, helped me through alot that first year I was back. I worked on my self esteem, learned some new coping skills and started to love myself again.

YMCA of GTA: This is actually my gym. I am grateful for my gym because I was able to get healthier and loose weight. I also has alot of social interaction there with people & started making friends

My Lilly: Yes, I did do a blog post about how she’s helped me, but I am still forever grateful for her. Whether she knows it or not.

Friends: Old and new. I’ve reconnected with alot of people in my past like in the post about three’s, but others as well.. Add in the new friends I’ve made since I’ve been back, plus the few I managed to keep from during my estrangement. While I may or may not maintain these friendships, or I could get something new from them remains to be seen, but just having a larger social circle is helping me. Which brings me to..

Scouting: I know most people wouldn’t get this, but before my relationship, I was an active Scouter. Now I was dwindling down on what I could do, but I did enjoy it. Flash 8-10 years later.. I’m back. And my eldest nephew wants to become a Junior leader)SIT with the Beavers. We (my sister & I) thought this would be a great way for me to reconnect with people & to build something with my nephew. . So I started as a “One hour a week” Scouter. Bringing my nephew every week… Now, with an awesome team of Scouters & friend (again, both old and new) I’m a major role in the Cub section (age 8-10).. I’m able to work with the youth, yet still be able to pace myself & no over do it.. much.. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to return to troop level and do that. Fortunately, I’m actually enjoying working with this age group.

International Symbol of Scouting.

My Medical Team: To the non-judgemental support from my current medical team, I am grateful. I am now on a positive Health Care Journey. With their help, I’ve managed to improve my health . I’ve lost weight, I’ve become more fit. I’ve come off alot of medications I really did not need, and supported me through addiction, tho no one knew at the time. I know I will never be healthy enough to return to work on much more than a casual part-time basis, but I am able to live a decent life despite fibromyalgia & my 6-bilkion other health issues.

This isn’t even going through the little things I’m grateful for.. The sun on my face, The lake at the cottage. Having a car to drive.. To have a regular income. To smell the flowers.. For being able to hug people (yes, only a special few right now). For privacy. For Fun. For freedom. For Love. For painting rocks. For exercise. For healthy outdoor spaces.. & you, still reading my post!!

I’m grateful for itvall.. & to those I can thank, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I Have 7 Kids – Correction, 6.

While none of them are biologically mine, they are the closest I will ever have to children & by extension, grandchildren.

One lives with me. She is my life. If you read my post “She Saved me“, you’ll see why I love her so much. My absolute closest child is my Furbaby. She is 8½ years old.

My oldest 2 are my best friend’s children. Since I’ve known her since we were 16-17, I’ve know the girls all their lives. They are my oldest God Children & my bff put a clause in her will that I must have unfettered access to the girls should she pass away (I’ve rarely been in a financial place to support a family which is the only reason she did not give me custody). I have changed diapers, fed them, helped them learn to tie shoes, helped them ride a bike, taken them out for Halloween, celebrated birthdays, holidays & other milestones, take them out on adventures, disciplined them, played Santa – wrapping gifts & stuffing stockings (plus wrapping paper tube sword fights), celebrated milestones with them, mourned with them, did girl guides & Scouting with them, supported them, loved them.

You know when you’ve been in their life forever when one day you show up on an older sweatshirt, the child (well, she’s 27 now) looked at me & says “Didn’t you used to have another sweatshirt like that?” Of course her mom & I make eye contact & burst into laughter.. it was the same sweatshirt! Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder.

in addition, the younger of the two has a little boy, making her Mom a grandmother at 41, & me a God Grandmother? Or Grand Godmother? He just knows me as Kelli, Nana’s best friend

My first God child, before my God daughters cuz they were baptized older, is the son of friends of mine that I was close to when he was born. Was MC at their wedding. Ironically, I am now friends with him, not her since they split. Unfortunately, she turned her son from his family in Ontario so not even his Dad hears from him. While he isn’t in my life, I think of him & I know he remembers me as the Veggie Tales Lady cuz if give him Veggie Tales movie for Christmas, Easter & his birthday for several years in a row.

Edit: Apparently, he is become someone who I am not interested in associating with. He’s been living with his mother & has taken on her values, perceptions & beliefs. Unfortunately, his mother & I had a series of escalating disagreements, and she has turned into a total Snowflake. So with him becoming his mother, it looks like I only have 6.

My last three kids are my sister’s kids . Like with my bff’s children I started again with diapers, baby sitting, taxi service, arts & crafts, sporting events, music recitals, Scout meetings, more Halloween, birthdays, holidays, more adventures, support, respect & love. My sister recently asked me if her & her hubby pass that I would take custody of her son, my 4th & final GodChild. (Not the other 2 cuz they’re of age)..

As you can see I have alot of children in my life.. All of them important to me, whether they know it or not. There are other children in my life, but these 7, I’d do almost anything for, like any Mom would (well should) do.

& that is why I have 7 correction, 6 Kids.

My Long Weekend

Here in Ontario Canada,The first long weekend in August is the Civic Holiday, or Simcoe Day, depending on who you talk to.

My plans? Cottage hoping. I’m hoping to head out early & stop in at my BFF’s place for a few hours.. She’s already up there on vacation & I’m usually up there camping this weekend anyways. So COVID is limiting our visits..

View of the Lake from the deck

From there, I’ll be headed to the family cottage for a few quiet days.. gonna take some books, and bathing suits & Lilly’s life jacket. Have a quiet enjoyable weekend..

Not a huge fan of swimming but she can & does do it.. I think she’s getting used to it & even starting to enjoy it..

I’ve also recently reconnected with a former friend & we’re supposed to go out for coffee. I think he’s nearthe cottage & if so, I might be able to schedule a social distance coffee..

As usual, I will take my Chromebook with me, but not sure if I’ll actually use it. I rarely do.

What plans do you have for the long weekend?

Self-Care

I figure today is the perfect day to discuss this topic, as today July 24 is Self-Care Day,!

What is Self-Care?

Self-care, as defined by the World Health Organization, as what a person does for one’s self to establish and maintain health and to prevent and deal with illness. This includes hygiene, nutrition, lifestyle & activities, environmental factotrs, sociao-ecpnomic factors and self-medication.  This includes physical as well as mental & emotional health.

So, basically, taking care of one’s self.  & showing yourself some love.

But this is something us with chronic illnesses have a problems doing.  We tend not to prioritize ourselves in the grand scheme of things.  It is something we need to do to help ourselve help get us better. Not healed, but better.. I guess a more appropriate word would be improved (that is another blog post in & of itself)

So what to do to help ones self? There are a ton of things you could do. Here is a by no means exhaustive list of thngs to help improve your personal health, or self-care.  A search on Google will give you additional ideas as well as suggestions for 30 days of self-care, a cheat sheet or a self-care checklist. I’m sure the list below includes information from these sources.

Self-Care Ideas

• Take a walk
• Meditate
• Call a friend
• Go out for a coffee/drink with a friend
• Read
• Warm bath, or hot tub
• Yoga
• Tale a nap
• Dance or just listen to music
• Sing
• Keep hydrated
• Sexual Acrivity
• Compliment someone else (You’d be surprised at how well this can make you feel)
• Plan kindness activities
• Colour.. or Paint.. Do something creative
• Knit, sew, crochet, macrame, needlepoint. Make something
• Mani/pedi
• Get a massage
• Hug your kids, furbabies, nieces, nephews, grandkids
• Stretch
• Watch something funny – Tv show, movie, theatre
• Plan a dream vaction
• Plan what you would do if you won $25million
• Take a trip to the salon to get your hair done
• Get dressed up just to get dressed up.. If you look good, you feel good
• Journal
• Declutter a space on your home
• Say or find posotive affeirmations. My mirror says “You’re Beautiful”. Who am I to argue wiht the mirror mirror on the wall?? 😉
• Volunteer
• Try something new
• Ask for help!
• Unplug. (This one is difficult for me)
• Plan & eat a nutrional, healthy and delicious meal, bonus if its a new recipie
• Hang with a friend
• Watch funny videos.. I like Jeff Dunhan & Fliffy
• Exercise
• Eat dessert, but not every day!
• Start a new, good habit
• Create a bucket list.. A fanaticl one or a realisitic one, your choice
• Pop Bubble Wrap!
• Watch cute videos online – I love puppy videos, and the kitten ar cute too.. 🙂
• Go for a drive
• Deep slow breathing
• Play with or cuddle with your pet
• Learn a new skill
• Practice positive selft-talk
• Walk outside, feel the grass under your feet. (watch for glass if not in your backyard)
• Forgive. Not for them, for you. it help you heal
• Talk with someone, even a therapist or councillor
• Remove negative people or groups from your social media
• Family activity day
• Make a list of what you are grateful for. Start with being alive, having shelter, and a full belly.. Go from there.
• Sit in front of the campfire – Make smores, spider dogs, or mountain pies
• Learn something new
• Play a sport you enjoy, or watch it professionally

So..  Lots of choices as I said, There are alot of other options out there.  Remember this activitiy, or lack threeof, is to make you feel better.

My Go To’s:

• Meditate
• Slow, deep, easy breathing – helps me sleep
• Read
• Drive – I love to drive.
• Muisc – Listen, sing or dance to.
• Volunteer (I’ve been a Scouter with Scouts Canada in some form or another for almost 20 years. – COVID’s made it a challenge)
• Mani/Pedi – by myself or at a salon
• Hair Salon – Love the head massage when she washes my hair
• Sitting by the campfire, preferably with friends or the Cubs with approapriate libations & snacks
• Massage therapy
• Exercise, when viable.. Walks, jogs, Yoga Aqua-fit, arriba dance, etc..  dependng on pain & energy levels
• Hot Tub. I prefer bewtween 99-102.. Can’t do hotter. 😦
• Huggs 🙂 From wherever safely possible
• Sex, with or without a partner
• Go for a drive
• Compliment somone – their hair, nails, clothing, shoes, etc..
• Forgive
• Colour and/or paint
• Knots. Not a typical activity, but i like the challenge, plus im a Scouter, go figure.
• Socialization with friends & family
• Play or Cuddle with Lilly, my dog. ( See: “She Saved Me” post for more info on her.)
• Call someone or at least check in for only that purpose, to see how they are.
• Think or plan how i\I’d spend lottery winnings
• & the obvious – Journalling. My blog, my instagram & facebook pages help me express myself.

What to Avoid:

• Excessive or inaprropriate drinking or drug use
• Maintaining toxic relationships
• Argue excessively
• Ovedoing an exercise routine
• Stressful situations
• Gambling
• High-risk behaviours
• Voilence to one’s self or others
• Other self-destructive behaviours
• Self-isolation (except as needed for COVID, but even then you can zoom or call or text) aka Social suicide
• Becoming abusive
• Self-defeating Mindsets
• Narcissism
• Self-harm
• Personal neglect – Physical or mental
• Refusing help

What self-care activities do you do?

What new activity would yuo like to try?

What is setting you back?

She Saved Me!

In November of 2011, a little puppy was born. In February of 2012, she became mine.

Prior to us getting her, I’d had alot of issues. My relationship was severely toxic & abusive. I was no longer was in contact with close friends & family. My health was rapidly deteriorating & my disability made me almost house bound. My depression started going into overdrive & I did not deal well.

As a result, I have lost track of the number of suicide attempts I had over the first 5-6 years of our relationship. It was so bad that I wrote on my meds list “In the event of a Suicide Attempt Do NOT Let me go home”. I was on 5 different antidepressants & they were not mixing well either.

But my life Changed when in February 2012 when I was given a life to take care of. Lilly.

I now had a “reason to live.”

She became my world. She was 100% mine. My partner did close to nothing with her on his own. He didn’t feed her, groomer her, take her out. He did occasionally play with her, but I don’t think he ever loved her. But I did.

So despite the increasing toxicity, I was able to survive because I had her. I had to be around to take care of her. I honestly believe, she would have suffered if I was gone & left with him.

She was my world. She was the reason I got up in the morning – literally. I had to take her out for a walk in the morning to do her business.

My relationship came to a sudden end when his son overheard his Dad threatening Lilly’s life. Now I don’t know if the boy knew his Dad was talking about Lil, or if he thought the treat was towards me. Either way he called 911. My ex was arrested and charged with Uttering Death Threats I believe the charge was.

I took Lilly & moved back home to my parents despite their misgivings. I got counselling, months and months of counselling. I was able to focus on my health. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I managed to maintain friendships from the time I was with him despite him. I am so lucky to have both of my best friend’s back as two of the closest people to me. I’ve rebuilt my relationships with family, my parents, my sister & her family, my brother & his family.

I am happy, reasonably healthy, and alive. Thanks to her.